Just Sad

It's been a few days since I have blogged. We have had a lot of friends and family that have come to stay with us. Brent went back to work last week Thursday for a full day of work. I thought that it would be harder than it was, but I again had lots to do (I have been drying flowers) and lots of people coming over and spending time with me. SO it still has not felt like I have been all alone yet.


The flower project is coming along great. We had gotten so many incredible flowers for Carters funeral and I really wanted to save them. My friend Lisa N. has been working with me to dry the flowers and then we will put them on in a wreath so we will always have that special memory of Carter. It will be so beautiful and special.


This past weekend we had a friend Tammy from NOLA come into town to be with us. It was a special time. It was so nice to be able to just talk and have her listen to my thoughts. (my chatty Cathy status) Although now that she is gone and my house is quiet, it's gets harder to hold back the tears. I feel like I am going crazy sometimes. I want friends and people around, and then I just sit and cry so hard that I want to be left alone! Some moments it is so hard to go by Carter's bedroom (I have no choice, since his room is across from ours), and other times I can't sit in there long enough. I want so much to just 100% depend on the Lord, but some times it is so hard to even hear him in the midst of this sadness. Saturday night I sat down to read yet another book on grief, or regarding medical information on what happened on Aug 9th to my body, but the Lord impressed on me that I needed to just read His Word. So I read Psalms' 1-4. I came across Psalm 3:3- But Thou O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head. I sat there reading that verse again and again and again. Where had I heard that before? Was this a praise song? I heard this verse in my head over and over and could not place it. I finally finished reading and went to sleep. I woke up Sunday still bothered by where I heard this verse! As the choir at church began there special music on Sunday, tears swelled up in my eyes and I couldn't keep from telling Brent... "This song is what I read in my bible last night!" This is where I have heard this song before. God is always on time. He was giving me such a personal message through His word and during the service. To top it all off, Sunday evening we had two baby dedications during the service. That was a little bit tougher to deal with. But following the dedication, two people stood up to sing "I will Praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns! I could hardly believe it. I wanted to text message my friend Lisa, who was sitting in the front of church and I was in the back. I was afraid her phone would be on and I would cause more drama than it was worth. It didn't matter she got the message and was shocked too! What a personal God we serve!