Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Life is flying by us again. I some how end up thinking back to when... or what would life be like if... The trouble with those statements is that I always get into trouble when I play the what if game. I believe that "if" if was going to happen, then it would have happened. But because of the sovereignty of God, than what is happening in my life now, is part of God's plan and because of that... it is good. I can say that after a 1 year 11 months after losing Carter, or 1 year after losing baby number two, or 6 months after losing baby number three, the pain isn't as fresh each day. I can say that I have more good days than bad days. In fact, I notice the sun shinning more seek out ways to do things that I used to love to do. Before Carter, I LOVED to cook. It brought me joy to cook something new and fun. Since Carter, cooking was a little overwhelming. I could do it, but it didn't have the same excitement as before. THAT excitement is back again. I am finally feeling like me again. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Lord!

I have seeking ways to make better decisions for my life. Brent and I have been working out at the gym since last October. We love it. But, our gym is around the corner from the cemetery. The gym is towered over by the hospital Carter was born and died in. The gym is in an area of town that has a way of making me sad. So I switched locations. As it turned out, my trainer and my best girls friends all go to other location anyway, so it made more sense for us. The drive to the other gym is further from our house, but closer to Brent's work. I honestly don't care about the drive, because getting to sweat and chat with girlfriends is the highlight of my week. Not to mention my friends have the sweetest kids that can just say my name and I melt right into all of their little hands!!!

During a baby dedication at the church the other night, I began to in vision the day when we are able to have a baby and baby dedication service. I started to cry thinking about it. Not so much because I was sad, but more because I became so overwhelmed at how many people are praying for us. Not just saying they are praying, but praying weekly, daily, several times a day for us to have a baby! Not just adults praying, but sweet girls and boys at our church and in our life that are praying! I can't explain to you the feeling that comes from knowing that before your child has even been thought about, there are friends and family members that are begging the Lord on our behalf to bless us with children. That blows me away.

We are so very blessed. Blessed in more ways that I can list (mostly because I will cry before I type the first word!) I can't thank the Lord enough for all He has done in our lives these past three years! We have learned so much and we have grown so much.

The Lord is so so good. I just get excited to be able to share with others all that he has done in our lives, using a sweet little baby born, who weighed a little more than a pound named Carter. In fact I have clients that can't remember my name, but know the name of my son. That is compliment in my book for sure!

Friday, June 04, 2010

God uses it all

Tomorrow we are going to attend the funeral of a 2 1/2 month old little baby boy from our church that fell asleep this week in his home, and woke up in the arms of the Lord. I can feel the pain of this family, as we sat in the same seat this family will sit in almost 2 years ago. It's so tough to imagine that any one else has to walk through the same experience that we walked and continue to walk. But, the incredible thing about the Lord is how he allows me - us- believers to use what may appear to be the terrible life events for His good. I am confident that tomorrow I will be able to pray for this family understanding the sick feeling in the pit of their stomachs knowing what that day means. I feel as if I will be able to look that mother in the eyes and let you know that through a different situation, I know what it's like to have your child live in the arms of Jesus instead of our own arms. I continue to pray that God will use Carter's life and what I have learned through these past two years to help others. I can see how once again, God is uses it all. The ugly head of death of a baby, the pain and sorrow of grief, and the torment of waiting for the day when healing will come of our hearts - ultimately the day when we see Jesus. And as parents of a child that is already with Jesus, we can understand that longing to see the face of Christ and our baby again. As you read this, please take a second to pray for this family and the journey they have ahead of them. Pray for them as God will change their lives and grow them as He has done in our lives these past two years.