Monday, June 20, 2011

Getting close

The closer we get to Avery coming, the more anxious I become to find out what is going on with her. And begging God to have healed her 100%!   I know that no matter what this is a miracle baby.  But...the closer we get the more nervous I get that she will indeed have Turners Syndrome or something else.  I know I will love her and just be so excited to have this perfect beautiful baby, but my heart is torn and full of anxiety of what is to come.  I hate even admitting this, as if this is some kind of admission to a lack of faith.  In fact it brings me to tears to give into this fear or "disappointment."  You just pray and hope that you will have a healthy baby and never imagine that all the things we went through can happen.  Not only was all the trials we walked through to have children not been a dream of mine, but it took me by surprise that I would ever have to walk through anything like this!! I have always seen my life as simple.  I remember different people in my family giving me a hard time as we were growing up that I was the child that never had to struggle or suffer with anything.  Life had always appeared to be easy for me.  Of course we know that, that isn't true.  Because what may have looked easy to some, was a trial to me. But, I often bought into the lie and thought that nothing could ever happen bad to me.  In fact that if I prayed, or wished for it, in someway I would get it.  And normally would get it with ease.  I was reading a book the other while waiting for a client talking about how we all have a little bit of that feeling that we are untouchable.  We would never be affected by disease, death, pain, suffering, sorrow, or just hard times.  It makes you grateful for what we do have.

So forgive my rawness today.  The exhaustion and heat of pregnancy has gotten to me!  I have not been able to 100% find a perfect moment to stop working, mostly because I hate stopping a doing nothing right now.  I fear I may regret the time I should be resting when I have a little girl that doesn't want to sleep at night within a few weeks!  That sounds crazy to say.  Brent and I have continued to be hit with the reality that soon our lives will never be the same.  The idea that we will be parents to a little girl that comes to live with us in our home and that we are responsible for raising is mind blowing! We both feel like parents already since having Carter, but since we didn't get the honor of bringing him home, the idea of getting to have Avery in our house forever... still catches us off some days! 

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Next month

WE ARE HAVING A BABY NEXT MONTH!!  I can hardly believe it.  Avery's nursery is almost complete. We just need to wash her clothes and hang some paintings on the wall.  We have to put the car seat in the car and put the bag that is packed in the back seat and we are ready.  We were at a cookout this weekend and someone there was asking all about Avery.  It was funny to me that I was telling her information as if the past few months had not even happened.  I told Brent when I got home that I sometimes forget that Avery could still have challenges to overcome or even could be born with Turners Syndrome.  I just feel like the worry of saving her life is in the past and we are waiting for the normal birth of a normal baby.  Isn't cool how the Lord just makes your heart content and refreshes a newness in our spirits?  I love it.  Right now I don't care and don't even think about bad, I just know that I have this awesome gift that kicks me ALL DAY AND NIGHT LONG and is so ready to come and live with us.  The coolest part... GOD PICKED BRENT AND I TO BE HER MOMMY AND DADDY!!!!! After 3 years of pregnancy (really) we are weeks and days away from the arrival of a perfect gift that we have been asked to mold into a Jesus loving, sweet women after God's own heart.  Today there are no tears, just a smile I can't get off my face.  I can't imagine smelling a baby and rocking a baby and holding and loving and watching a sweet baby.  After we lost Carter, the idea of having a baby in our home seemed so untouchable.  And even until a few weeks ago the idea of really being able to have her here, seemed foreign.  But as each day passes by and we get closer to full term...this DREAM that we have been in is getting more real and exciting. 

We had our baby shower (never imagined that we would get to that) and the amount of gifts and treasures that we have gotten has blown us away!  The help friends and family have offered (especially with hand - me - downs.... LOVE IT)  has been a treasure for sure.  Even our doctors office is amazing and treats us like we are something special and having an extra special girl! To have a child that is special to mom and dad is one thing, but to have a baby that is Light to others....WOW!

So I look forward to days to come to share pictures and updates as the time gets closer and then when she finally arrives.  Please pray that Avery WILL be born with no complications and will be free of any issues after birth.  Pray for Brent and I as we make finally steps to prepare.  Ultimately pray that as we have waited so long to be parents and that we will treasure each moment with Avery Grayce and WILL raise her in way that is pleasing to the Lord.  As much as it is tempting to spoil her that we will choose instead to give her a life that allows her to be a servant and testimony to the goodness of God's grace and perfect will for her life.  Pray that we don't get in the way of whatever God wants to do to allow us and Avery to minister to others. 

To be continued..... CAN'T WAIT!!!!!