Wednesday, March 25, 2009

While I am waiting...

I HATE WAITING!!! But, that is one of the new lessons that God is teaching me in my life. Actually, it's not a new lesson, it's just one of the things that I just can't seem to get a hold of in my life. I want things like yesterday. I have always been like this. But I know God has so much more for me. So much comes when we wait for things in life. I learn so much during that waiting time. We of course are in a waiting period again now as we wait to be able to try to have another baby. It's during this time that I become restless. God what should I do now? Some days I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I don't fit in with the younger friends without kids, because we are almost 10 years younger than they are and in a different place in life. Since we do not have kids (here on earth) it's hard to fit in with those our age who are doing things with their kids. Let me make this clear, this has nothing to do with others, it has to do with my own perception of life. I have some awseome friends who are with kids and without! I love spending time with them all. This is more about me and where I am some days. There are days I love spending time hearing others kids laugh and play. There are some days when I will be talking to a friend and the sound of their children's voices hurt my heart so much I want to snap. So what do I do as I wait??

I remember back last fall for my birthday, Brent took me to see the movie Fireproof. What an amazing movie that was. I loved it. There was this song about waiting that I loved. After I left the movie, the song was out of mind out of sight. But today, the Lord brought it back to me. I was getting my hair done and I heard the song at the hair salon (it is owned by a christian couple.. cool huh!) Anyway, it's by John Waller called "I am Waiting." I posted the song and the lyrics. Isn't it so neat how our God speaks to us at the perfect moment. During my waiting... I will serve!! I will still Love you Lord, Serve you Lord out of obedience!! Just to speak the name Jesus is so sweet and helps calm my nerves and makes the all that I am waiting for worth it!

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Friday, March 20, 2009

Another Part of God's plan

I never imagined this would take place when I first began this blog!! I began my blog at the "suggestion" of my friend Jen. I thought it would be fun to keep up with friends and share some pictures and other fun stuff happening in our little world. Of course I didn't except the Lord would take us on such a journey this past year and that our blog would become a life line for us some days. In the middle of this journey I have been amazed at the outpouring of support and love that we have gotten from so many people. I don't know why I have been amazed because isn't that what God's children do... love on each other with the Love of Jesus? What has blown me away is all of my new precious Blog friends who I have come to adore and love very much!! Isn't that just like the Lord to bring new friends together walking through a similar journey at the same time and living all over the country and yet our lives are woven together the common thread of our love for our Savior. The encouragement of these ladies to me has been amazing. The out pouring of their hearts have been an encouragement to me and many days has been the calming assurance that I need to know I am not alone in this journey and that there are others that "get me."

I believe God has a plan for all of our lives for sure. This is just part of His plan for us today. I don't' want to take granted the special new friends God has given me. Please join me in praying for my friends Kerry, Casey, Nancy, Jody, and Hilary. I know there are many other names of new friends as well, but here are just a few to add as you continue to pray for our family, pray for them too! I get excited to watch and see how small pieces of God's plan unfold before our eyes and bring ladies from different walks of life, different areas of the country and yet we can be so connected because of our relationship with the Lord what He is doing in our life today!

Jesus we are so thankful for friends to dance with
For your continuing guidance and special
Touches in our lives that make
It easier to walk through today!
You are so good - Even in the Storms
We Praise you, and dance to the music
You give us in our daily lives!!

Friday, March 06, 2009

Good, Just Good

I have been meaning to update this since last week, but just couldn't find the right words to share. First, God really blessed us so much by allowing me on Tuesday evening to have a miscarriage at home. Although... I must confess that, giving birth to Carter and miscarrying this baby both HURT about the same amount!! (maybe a small exaggeration but not to far off). I never thought about getting an epidural before, but Tuesday night I was looking for the epidural man to come and give me some help!! (I was not able to find such a person in my house, so motrin, heat and lot's of prayer had to do!!) Although it was a great relief and Brent and I are both glad to be done with that part of this journey, I find myself nervous about getting pregnant again. There is nothing I want more than to be pregnant and have a sweet baby that looks just like my sweet husband and a little like me! But, this emotional pain that we are having to go through as well as just the fear of this happening again and again and again.... makes me question this whole process. Then I am reminded of how Good the Lord really is and that if we are supposed to have a sweet baby God will provide that. I have been reading and memorizing the verse from Psalms 37:4. If we delight in the Lord, He WILL give us the desires of our heart. This is our hearts desire and we feel called to have children. We are not ready to give up yet (although I am feeling like an elephant. Did you know they are pregnant for 23 months before they have their babies!!!) Although total I have only been pregnant for 8 months (almost 6 months the first time and 10 weeks this time) it still sort of feels like a year. In 2008 we found out that we were pregnant the first week of April. As we end this pregnancy in the first week of March our doctor says that we could be pregnant as soon as 4 to 6 weeks from now!! So we will be right back to the same dates that we were pregnant last year.

I say all of this to say: When I look and think about this situation with my human ears and my fleshly understanding of life, I think... This isn't fair. There are so many teenage girls who get pregnant that are not married, do drugs and could care less about having a child. Or how many times have I had to counsel a women who have had an abortion (I meet a lady once who had 5 abortions by the time she was a freshman in college!! Can you imagine.) BUT... I am reminded again about what fairness is in the eyes of the Lord. It isn't fair that God allows me to serve Him. It isn't fair that God would allow me to enter into His holy presence and live with Him for eternity! That is not fair. All of the challenges in life that we are experiencing, really are just more chance for us to praise the Lord in all times!

It brings me back to the blog that I talked about last month. When we enter into the storms in our lives, that is when we need to ask the Lord to teach us how to Dance in the Rain. I thought I knew how to dance. In fact I felt sure that I was dancing! But here I am, grabbing my dancing shoes again and getting my groove on ... again as I wait my turn. I am waiting for God to call me my name when it is SHOW TIME. It is amazing that God is always on time. Even when we don't realize what a bible study is all about, or a quote that someone shares with us or even a sermon that we may walk away from thinking how does that apply to me? It is usually a few days later that we look back and say, I got it! This is what that was for. The Angela Thomas Bible Study I took was just that for me. I thought my time of waiting was over (since I knew I was pregnant during that study), but here I am waiting again. I am determined this time to dance during this storm instead of jumping into the hole of darkness that seemed to surround me last fall. My turn WILL COME!! I AM SURE OF THAT!!! So I say it again.... LET'S DANCE!!