Christopher Carter Spears

5 Minutes old! I love the dark skin

So I have said that I would post the story of Carter's birth. Of course it has taken me a little time to do this. It's funny that I have told his story so many times to people in person, but there is something permanent about writing it down on this blog. Today was such a tough day, and I have done a lot of journaling this evening and felt like it was appropriate for me to share our story while I was on a role. I think it will be therapeutic as well (great counseling word!)



The story goes back to about 6 weeks before I had Carter. A friend of mine at church named Lisa N. (which I have several friends at church named Lisa) has a sister who lost her baby at 21 weeks. When I heard that this had happened my heart was broken for this lady. I remember standing in a doorway at church talking to Lisa about her sister and what had just happened. My friend Lisa N. (both of my friends Lisa, Lisa B and Lisa N) tried to reassure me that just because something like this happened to someone else, doesn't mean that this will happen to me. Both of my friends knew how anxious I was already about having a baby and hearing this news was not making things better. But I felt the Lord remind me on that day that this baby does not belong to Brent and I. Our baby belongs to Him and that His plan is perfect. It was not impossible for me to also lose a child! It was strange because it wasn't a thought or feeling that stayed with me, but just a reminder that I can't hold on too tightly what does not belong to me, but to the Lord. The next 5 weeks went just great as far as pregnancy. I was way beyond morning sickness and was starting to appear pregnant and was really kicking into gear regarding the planning stage. Brent and I had set aside each Saturday during August to clean, organize and plan out different rooms that we would be cleaning, getting ready for the baby.
On Sunday (the week before Carter was born) I began to have some light discharge (sorry men!) It wasn't anything abnormal. If you have kept up with my blog you will have read how I had a constant sinus infection. My midwife said all of this was normal! ALL OF IT!! So of course, I didn't think anything of the event on Sunday. This continued through Wednesday without causing me any concern. On Thursday morning, I woke up around 4:30 with the feeling that I had to go to the bathroom so badly. I went to the restroom and felt like I had a little bit of "gushing water" but again nothing to strange. The strange part came when I was unable to stop going to the restroom for the next two hours. It just kept coming, but again the strange part was I felt like I was able to control it. Finally around 6 am things began to slow down and I fell back to sleep. I woke up with Brent when it was time for him to go to work and decided to call my friend Jen to ask what she thought was happening! (She is normally our "family doctor!") She suggested I call my doctor. So after debating the events, I made the call. I talked to a midwife I had not seen yet. I talked to her about what I was experiencing and she felt there was no need to be concerned. I asked her what she thought was happening and she said the only thing she would be concerned about is a UTI. But even that she thought would be okay to wait until the next day to come in and get tested. I pushed her a little and asked what if it wasn't a UTI and this was fluid leaking. (by this point I am in tears with her). She told me that I would be referred to a counselor because my baby would not live at this stage. I was so scared at that point. I called Brent and I called Jen in tears not knowing what to do. This midwife suggested I go shopping for the day since I had no counseling appointments. (yet another reason for my husband to be upset with her. First for being too blunt and second for giving me permission to spend money we do not have!)

SO... I went to Brent's office to spend some time with him and try to get my mind off of things. It didn't work. We went to lunch and the leaking did not stop. It was very slow, but still strange to me. I decided to go to the library and check out the book "What to expect when your expecting." Again a strange thing for me to do. I had avoided this book because of what I had heard about it being overwhelming. As I was sitting in the parking lot, I made the decision to call my midwife (my primary midwife who I love!) She told me to come on in and get tested for a UTI. So I did. The results came back negative, but she went ahead and put me on an antibiotic anyway. I went home and had a better night Thursday night. I still had the leaking feeling, but less worry which allowed me to sleep. On Friday I had arranged to go to the movies with my friend Lisa B. and her son. I was fine during the movie, except that I was exhausted and feel asleep a few different times (that is not like me at all). After the movie, I came home to start dinner and felt so tired I laid down on the sofa and tried to relax. I was getting ready to watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.

After about an hour or so of laying down, I told Brent I was going to try to lay down in our bed and see if I felt better. I only felt worse. My back began to slowly hurt by this point and the leaking was still happening and making me feel more uncomfortable. I was confident that the medicine I was taking just had not had a chance to kick in and I needed more time. Brent finally fell asleep and I decided to go into the other bedroom and sleep. I took a bottle of bengay (I LOVE BEGAY BY THE WAY!!) and start to rub my legs and back to see if the pain would go away. Nothing was working. I went into wake up Brent about 1:00 am (which I never do) to see if he would help me. He began to rub me down with bengay, as well as run a bath. He got online to see what the symptoms of a kidney infection were and we both were sure that this is what was happening. After a very long night of extreme pain, discomfort, a second bath and a lot of bengay, we decided that this was a kidney infection and I needed to do something. I called my mom first thing in the am to ask her opinion. She suggested calling the doctor as well. So I did. After a long talk, the on call midwife suggested I drink a lot of fluids and try to wait it out. She was concerned that if I went to the ER I would wait and wait and it would turn out that my antibiotic had not had 48 hours in my system yet and I would be sent home anyway. So I drank 60 ounces of fluids and rolled around in pain before calling Jen again and asking her what a kidney infection felt like. She assured me that getting the right medication would get rid of the pain right away. After much thought and the Lord's prompting, I told Brent to take me to the ER! (this is a BIG deal for me! I have never been before and normally would have never ask to go without a panic attack)

We got to the ER around 1. There was no wait at all. I was taken back right away. After a little panic of all the test (blood stuff they wanted to do) I didn't care what happened, I just wanted my back to feel better. I had a PA come in and run all of the test first. She was a little rough, but was trying to just figure out what was wrong. She had also thought that I had a kidney infection or maybe kidney stones, to which she said nothing could be done. Then an ER doctor came in and said that all of this was normal for being 22 weeks along. The baby was moving a lot and stretching and this is what happens. He gave me a RX for Lortab and gave me a powerful drug in my IV that he promised would take away a lot of the pain. IT DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH IT. While we were waiting for test results, they listened to the babies heart beat and then sent me to have an ultrasound. I was nervous because they also talked to me about my appendix, but I was excited to see the baby again. After returning from the Ultrasound, the PA came in and told me that there was an infection and that I would have to be admitted! This is when everything started to pick up and go fast for us. I kept asking what was wrong and what would have to be done and when would I go home. The PA said that she would be calling someone from my doctors office to look at the test and give her further instructions. She even mentioned that they may just let me go home with drugs. Then doctor Doris came into the room. He was from my OB's office. He checked my heart and vitals and then pulled up a chair and said he knew what was wrong! (I will never forget hearing him say what was next!) So many of the doctors and nurses were joking around with us that it was hard to know what was serious and what wasn't. Dr. Doris was not into jokes at all. He came close and said... "I know exactly what is happening and it is very bad, very very bad!" I have terrible news!" Brent said his heart dropped. I asked if he was kidding. He said no, and then said.. "Jenna you have an infection in your uterus and there is no fluid left around the baby." Brent asked "What?" I was in so much pain by this point that I was unable to sit still. I still could not believe what this man was telling us. There is no way that he was right. But at the same time, I knew right away what was going to happen. I knew that this baby would be going home with Jesus that same night! Just 6 weeks ago the Lord had prepared my heart for the events of August 9, 20o8. Dr. Doris explained to us that there was an infection and the only way to get it out of me at this point was to give birth. He said the infection was so bad that we needed to do something right away to protect both myself and the baby. I heard him saying that I was in danger, even though he never said those words. By God's grace, Brent never thought about this either and did not hear this same message from the doctor. I couldn't have handled him being in more of a panic. My white blood cells were at 28.6 at this point and they should had been around 4 to 10. Brent and I both told Dr. Doris that we knew God had a plan and that we believe in life and that no matter what, we wanted him to try and save our baby. He told us that if this baby lived, the baby would be very sick and have Cerebral Palsy so badly that the baby would never walk, see, talk or have any kind of normal life. Brent and I both agreed that we would be fine with that. Dr. Doris agreed with our second opinion idea, but felt like my pain in back was possibly the first signs of labor. He said that they would take me to L and D and I would be induced , and after several hours we would deliver our baby! Dr. Doris checked me just in case, (if I had not been in labor there was still a little hope that I would be able to hold off for a few more weeks with some medical intervention.) But God had a different plan. I was already 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. So I was taken up to Labor and Delivery right away. (it felt like that! I am still unsure how fast it was). Brent immediately began to cry when Dr. Doris left the room. We both had so much guilt and questions. I had SO MUCH pain that crying wasn't an option for me. Dealing with what was happening wasn't what I could do either. I was in shock and in PAIN! We called my parents, and a few friends to ask for support and prayer.

I was taken up to L and D in a wheelchair, and as I got off the elevator, Lisa B, greeted us. They asked her to wait until we figured out what was happening. Brent and I asked if she would call our mentors Jack and Pat, but before we could finish the sentence, they came around the corner, saying they were praying. I was taken into a room were we were going to wait for the second opinion. I was a little concerned (just a little because I WAS STILL IN PAIN) that a man would be delivering this baby. My dream was to have my midwife help me do this. Brent stepped into the hallway for a second to look to see who was in the hall, when he noticed our midwife standing out there! We both were rejoicing. Again, perfect timing. The next part was so fast. I kept begging everyone to give me drugs to help my pain and for someone to get my friend Lisa B to come in the room and hold our hands! It felt like no one was listening to me. Finally the man with the second opinion came and said that he agreed with Dr. Doris. Jonnie (my midwife) was told to check me to see if the pain I had was possible making me go further along, therefore not needing medication or even inducing. When she checked I was already 10cm! I really think the time was about 15 minutes or so from when I was 2 cm to 10 cm. Jonnie said it was time to push and I said, "NOT WITHOUT LISA! SOMEONE PLEASE GO GET HER!" Again, as the Lord would have it, Lisa was walking down the hallway and Jonnie went to the door and said Lisa, come on in. Three pushes later, my perfect little baby boy, Christopher Carter Spears was born at 7:04 pm. He weighed 1 lb 2 oz and was 11 1/2 inches long. He was amazing. I was overwhelmed with the whole process. I couldn't believe in that moment, I was a mom and my sweet husband was a father. The first questioned I asked was, "What it is?" We had not know the sex of the baby yet. Jonnie proudly said, "It's a boy!" To see the look in my husband's eyes when they announced that he had a son, was so priceless. He was so proud. The nurses confirmed that he was not breathing on his own, but in fact had a strong heartbeat and that it would not be long before he would go home with Jesus! (both of our nurses were strong believers, so they knew where we were coming from!) The pain in my body was finally going away. It was the pain in my heart that started to kick in. I asked for everyone in the waiting room that had come, to come on in and that we needed to pray, sing and read God's word! I was shocked to see over 20 people file into the room. It was a bittersweet time for sure. Lisa's husband, Steve, led the prayer and reading. Another friend Lisa S. led us in songs. We sang and prayed until the exact moment, 8:25 pm, that Carter went home to be with Christ. He was so sweet. He looked exactly like Brent and I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He even had a slight smile as he was entering into Glory! To be there for the moment when your child receives salvation is an amazing experience! It's not in the order, but still... AMAZING!

We were allowed to have Carter stay with us all night long and into the next day. We had friends come in and out for hours on Saturday and Sunday. Our pastor came by on Saturday night to visit us. I told Dr. Cox that we were taking his advice from his book and trusting God's heart because we couldn't trace his hand! That is what got us through that night.

On Sunday, the hardest day of my life, at 5:15 pm, I placed my precious boy into the arms of our nurse, Tiffany (another believer), making her promise not to place Carter into the morgue, but to give him to the funeral director! Brent and I had spent close to 2 hours alone with Carter just talking to him, crying, praying and trying to savor each second we had with our son! We had told Tiffany that at 5:30 we would be ready to give her Carter! The Lord, again by His grace, prompted us to give him up at 5:15 on Sunday, Aug 10th, 2008! By 6pm we left Gwinnett Medical Hospital changed. We had become parents to a sweet little boy, and at the same time had made a deposit in heaven. Bittersweet for sure!

Still unsure of what exactly the answers to what happened, my midwife called me on Monday to tell me that the results of my UTI test came back that I was a carrier of Group B Strep. Also my pathology report gave the same results. We will get more information at my 6 week appointment. For now, as hard as it has been, we are still trusting God's heart. Jerm. 29:11 promises He has a plan and it is for good! Just to type my son's name makes me smile. To say his name hurts, but at the same time brings me joy to my heart. Only the joy a parent knows!