We were given the opportunity to go to AL. near Gulf Shores for a brief get away from life as we know it in Lawrenceville. It is funny that I kept feeling like life was very much a hurricane the past few weeks. Everything has been moving so fast and has been overwhelming and feels like a dream. One minute I feel peace (the eye of a storm) the next minute the flood gates are open and nothing makes sense to us. Our hope was to take a retreat from "life" and all of the normal activities that we take part in. But being here is so peaceful (the little town we are in is so quiet. There are only 790 people that live here, and my mind begins to replay the events of the last few weeks, it hard to just be still and not continue to "do." It doesn't appear that we will be affected by the actually hurricane where we are staying, but of course that could change tomorrow. I keep trying to seek the Lord and all that He is doing. At the same time, there are moments still that I just want to ask the question why. Not that I shouldn't ask why, but I don't want to go down that road and drive myself crazy. In my mind I know God is good and this isn't punishment or that there is a totally logically answer this side of heaven. At the same time, I try to avoid touching my stomach and feeling so empty, but how can you avoid doing that? For the first few week after Carter's death, I had been looking forward to other babies and saying, how quickly can we have another child. I still feel that way, but I also get so mad that I just can't have Carter. That I just can't hold Carter one more time. That I can't have a new picture of Carter to put up on my wall.
On the other hand, I am doing a bible study at church on Heaven by Randy Alcorn. (I had not planned on taking this study, but it seemed appropriate and what the Lord wanted me to do this semester). I am seeing heaven in a whole new way. The idea of heaven and the concept of heaven is still overwhelming to me, but it is more clear to me now. The more I am understanding God's Word the more comfort I feel. (isn't it amazing that even after studying the Bible for almost 5 years in seminary, there is always so much more to understand and learn! Thank you Jesus for that! This is why God and His Word is grander than our finite imagination)
Today Wrigley, Brent and I had a wonderful drive to Silverhill, AL. We stopped and ate at Brent's favorite fast food restaurant, Whataburger. They are mostly located in Texas (of course) but there are a few here in AL. It was a treat for sure. Carla, was the lady that took our order and was a sweet Christian women. She is from the same city Brent graduated high school from. There was another lady in the restaurant that was from near by that same city. It turned out, Carla's husband owned the Whataburger and was going to have to sell the restaurant soon. He was looking for what the Lord wants him to do next. He is an ordained SBC minister. It was so neat to hear this families story and take my mind off myself for just a minute. Especially since there have been days when I am in a store or just driving down the road and want to tell people who are rushing around, laughing having a great time... What are you doing? Don't you have a clue what we have just been through? This is why it really was uplifting to talk with our new friend in the Lord! Thank you Lord for these reminders of your goodness.
I have some great pictures of Brent eating his lunch. I will post them when I can get to my own computer.
I know we will have good and bad days. Anytime I experience additional change, I have a bad day. (regardless of what is going on in my life, I am not a person who loves change!) My weepyness sometimes takes over and I will cry over everything and anything. I pray that tomorrow will be more relaxing and that God will continue to provide comfort for my soul.
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