This past Sunday our pastor invited "The Three Guys" to come worship with us during the service. These guys are not famous, and I don't even think they have anything recorded, but are just guys that were obedient to come worship and sing for us. They sang Chris Tomlin's song I Will Rise! It was awesome and just what we needed this very week. Dr. Cox talked about the appointment moment we all will face when the Lord calls us home. The Sunday before we had one of our Sunday School teachers pass away from a heart aneurysm. Dr. Cox asked us what if this was the last Sunday we were at church. Last year on that very Sunday was Carter's "last Sunday" at church. Little did we know that this would be our final week with our precious son.
During the same sermon, our pastor made another statement that reminded me of a simple truth that helped me see this past year in a different light. He said that when someone we love pass away, we don't need to say we lost them. To say that we lost someone means that we don't know where they are. I am confident where Carter is today. He is dancing in the precious of Jesus. He also reminded us that death is not the worse thing that can happen to us, if we know the Lord and have a relationship with Him. I think that has been so much of the comfort that I have felt this week. I have prayed for weeks for the Lord to give me peace this week. And HE HAS!! Like I said so many things are reminding me of last year. Even today, which was the day that I was calling my doctor so overwhelmed with anxiety. One of the doctors told me to go about my day and forget about what was happening. (as if you can do that!) So I went to have lunch with Brent at Subway. Today... one year later, I babysat Cody. For the first time all summer long, we decided TODAY, to bring Brent subs for lunch. Although the restaurant wasn't the same, sitting, and eating subs with Brent brought me back to that day again. Isn't that awesome how the Lord doesn't allow us to forget the precious moments in our lives, even the ones that can be seen as "scary." It was a reminder to me that I won't forget my first born son. God will always give me little snippets to remind me of the events during that week. Not to allow me to be depressed, or discouraged, but to remind me of the gift that I had been given on August 9, 2008. I KNOW, let me say it again, I KNOW, God has, is and will use the life of my son for His glory!
A verse that meant so much to us during our pregnancy with Carter and even after Carter's homecoming, was: "We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power if from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed... Therefore we do not lose heart..." "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16; 12:9
No matter what we were going through (the shock of being pregnant, or the fear of how we would support another life. The overwhelming grief of seeing your child pass from this life into the arms of Jesus.) No matter what, we know that God's grace is sufficient. I posted the lyrics to Chris Tomlin's song. I will try to figure out how to post the video soon (for some reason I can't figure it out today.) The words really ministered to me. It reminded me that one day, all will be made right in this world. When Jesus comes again, we will be whole. We will celebrate and worship. We will spend eternity without death or suffering. For now, we must realize that this is not our world. The suffering we have is not because of God, but because of the sin of this world. Why does the Lord allow the death of my baby and yet allow the birth of a child addicted to cocaine? Why does the Lord allow the death of my baby and yet allow the birth of a child to a 14 year old teenager? Why does the Lord allow the death of my baby and yet allow the birth of a child to a family who shakes their child or abuses them? Why? Because of sin! The Lord allows yes, but does not make it happen. I truly believe if God could teach me all that I need to learn this year any other way than allowing Carter to die, he would. But this is the journey he has for us. This is our story. God's not done writing our story. Until I take my final breathe on this side of eternity, my story will still be written. I just pray that God uses me and my story for his glory. The Lord is allowing me to share my story with more women who have walked this journey or are just entering into this journey. I pray that I will never pass up a time to share all that the Lord has done in my life, using the life of a son, a baby. My baby.... Carter!
"I Will Rise"
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
[Chorus:] And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
[Chorus:] And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb" [x2]
[Chorus:] And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise I will rise
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