Time flying by

It was four weeks on Saturday since we lost Carter. Tomorrow is actually September 9th, one official month already. Time is flying by. That first week it felt like time was standing still. I keep wondering in my mind how will I feel a month from now? Would I make it to a month? Would this pain in my heart force me to stop breathing? I feel like for that to have happened, I would have given Satan glory. I refuse to allow Satan anything!! I want the Lord to be given all of the glory for anything that we feel and any special day we make it through. This weekend, our good friends the Bullards, had us over for pizza and a little "Wii" action on Saturday night. I am so glad that we got to do that, so I didn't focus on the day. Although, the funny thing is that, Lisa, Steve, Brent and I were all together four weeks earlier in the hospital together. I yelled for Lisa to and asked (well maybe screamed) for her to come hold my hand while I was in labor. Some how it brought comfort to be with the same family, in a different setting, a few weeks later.

I am excited that tomorrow I will be going to north GA to be with some other ministers and their wives for a "wellness retreat." Again, it will be good to have the focus on other people besides myself. I have found that some days giving to others or just being around other people is helpful. Of course, I still have several days that I just want to be alone at home. That is okay too.

I shared with Brent how much I enjoy going to church each Sunday and look forward to it and even find corporate worship very comforting. At the same time, it is privately so hard to be there. Carter used to kick me like crazy all during the worship service. Not just during the music, but during Dr. Cox's sermons too. Sitting in the service, just being still, is hard for me. This again is another way that Brent and I experience things differently. I would mention to him that I was being kicked, but he never felt it or experienced that feeling like I did. As time passes, I feel like I am going to forget what it feels like to carry Carter inside of me. Right now, it is still fresh in my mind. I still find myself touching my empty stomach, wishing I could feel one more kick. I am so thankful to the Lord that I was able to carry Carter for as long as I did, and was able to experience that feeling of him moving, turning and dancing inside of me. What a joy I will be able to cherish for a lifetime!

I went back to work today for the first time. The Lord has brought me several new clients that are experiencing situations of grief as well. It's neat to be able to really know what they are going through. Of course at the same time, I would give anything to remain ignorant on the "true feeling" of the subject. I continue to pray that the Lord uses me in whatever way He desires, so that I may see a glimpse of His plan. "Lord continue to draw me to yourself and show me more and more of your plan. Help us to be a light in this dark world. Help us to take every opportunity to share you to this lost world."

We had two incredible messages on salvation in church yesterday. It's so important in this time of "hardship" in the world today that we share a message of hope... the message of Christ. This is my prayer. I pray that the Lord will use Carter's life, and our lives, to minister to others and to take ALL opportunities to share HIS name.