Then there are days that I welcome change. I changed the look of my blog today (and spent more time than necessary on doing the change and I took Jen down with me! Sorry Jen I was responsible for "wasting your afternoon, although I had a blast doing it.) I like to get up and just go and do something that is different from what we had planned for the day. I like to change my hair (color and cut some times). Some days I welcome change.
This week has been that for me. On Friday I had my hair cut and colored by my sweet friend from church Tina. I got so tired of the grey hair poking through and the frizz mess that kept happening. My friend Tina was so sweet to do me a favor and do my hair at the last second. On Saturday, which is usually the hardest day of the week for me, because that is the day Carter was born, we had planned on staying home all day long just doing nothing. We woke up to discover Wrigley's allergies were out of control and that we needed to make an emergency visit to the vet. She was fine, and needed some cortisone to get her over the hump of allergy season. Funny story: while we were in the vet's office, I had a crying breakdown. They had taken Wrigley back to be weighed and Brent and I started to just talk. I totally broke down crying. About the same time, one the vet techs, walks into the room and tells us Wrigley will be right back. It was funny because I had to try to convince her that I was not crying because of Wrigley. I didn't want to share with her what was wrong and how I was just sad. The sweet lady gave me a box of Kleenex and asked one more time if there was something she could do. I thanked her and said that it had been a tough time for us right now, and that I would be okay. There you have it, my first official, embarrassing public breakdown. There will be more of those I am sure! And that is okay. We are so afraid of people crying and often don't know what to do when they do cry. I have learned that it is okay for others to cry and that we don't have to feel uncomfortable when others cry. Just let them cry!
After coming home, and lots of crying and emotions running very high for me, we decided that we would head to the Gwinnett County Fair. Our plan was to go and get a funnel cake and just see all that they had. The fair is okay, nothing special, but was the distraction that we needed that day. Brent and I both struggle doing "fun things" that cost money because of how much it has cost us to have Carter and all of the other things that have come with that. At the same time, we have found that we have to get out of the house and do fun stuff or we will both be depressed. After the fair, we had dinner and walked around the mall to work off the funnel cake!!
As another week begins for me, as I take on a few more clients this week, I am trying to focus on myself and what it is that I need! I have been talking to a special friend of mine who is also in counseling for some additional advice on how to continue to seek the Lord in all things! What an encouraging word she gave me was to try and spend time doing for me and relaxing. Brent and I both are seeking that time for ourselves alone and with each other. Brent has a special date planned for Friday night with a special friend of his. His little friend Cody (who is 5) and Brent will be at the Circus on Friday. It's hard to imagine him doing that with another little boy and not with Carter, but it is a joy to see him be able to spend that time with Cody who he loves so much. (Cody is a big fan of Brent's as well. Cody lost his daddy in 2005. Since this past spring he and Brent have formed a special bond and love doing things together! I can't wait to hear all about their time at the circus! Sure wish I got an invitation to go, but it's a boy's night out! Maybe next time.
6 comments:
I hate change too but your blog looks too cute:) I am glad you are getting out and doing stuff, I had to learn to do the same after my dad passed. I'll send Grace down and you can do DIVA stuff with her while Brent is at the circus. We are continuing to pray for you guys and I hope work will go well.
By the way, still have not gotten motivated enough to get up and move and this week there is too much going on. UGH!!!
I do not do well with change either, it is very difficult for me. After my Grandma died, I found it very hard to do things. Like you, I had went to the fair that year to be out of the house.
I wish we lived close to each other again. I would love to have you through counseling right now.
I love the design on your blog too.
Of Course you don't like change- HELLO!- you are Baptist!!! :)
Ha Ha Ha...Love Jen's comment!!!!!
I don't know how many babies and young children are in heaven... probably billions... but I know that each one is in someone's arms being cared for. Each one feels love not fear, each one feels nurtured not neglected, each one feels comfort not pain, and when WE get there, that someone who has been caring for our child who got there earlier than we would have preferred, will hand over to us our healthy, happy child. You can know with assurance that Carter along with the other babies who made an early arrival in heaven through birth defects, accidents, violence, abortion, war, etc., are safe, loved, and being nurtured.
Until you hold him again, stand firm in your belief that the Lord is indeed the alpha and omega and that while we cannot see what good could possibly come out of all the pain, that somehow people will be touched by your story and will come to know the Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior because of you and Brent and Carter. And your story.
There are women and men who are not saved who are losing babies and children -- they just think that their baby died and that's it, that's the end. There is no hope in their heart nor is there a faith in God. There are women who aborted babies recently or long ago who are drowning in guilt and self-hatred. They have to know that 1.) their babies are safe and loved and that 2.) God will forgive them and 3.) they can trust God with their lives and be saved and 4.) they can spread that word to others. They will respond to your story.
It seems to me that you are indeed resiliant. A catagory 5 hurricane formed and you and your life took a direct hit. However, you are like a palm tree that bent with the wind and the storm - you may have lost a branch or two (is that like pruning?) but there is growth in a new direction that is coming out of it and it is beautiful. That growth honors God. And it honors Carter.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will comfort you continually. That the "peace that passes understanding" will take root in your heart. And that the joy of the Lord, the calm, assured, uplifting joy of the Lord, will re-enter your life.
I think it is so cool that a young boy who lost his dad and a young dad who lost his boy are special friends. Thank you God for special friends who help us heal in special ways. How awesome!
Post a Comment