My heart

I have shared on this blog a few times already about a new friend I have made since we lost Carter. My new friend Casey Chappell, (I went to college with her husband), they lost their son Asher on August 9th as well at 9:08 pm. (I'd like to think Carter and Asher are friends in heaven. I love how they both have such cool names!!!) Casey and Dan also have a blog that they have been sharing what the Lord is doing in their lives right now. Casey has this poem on her site that describes in words, what is in my heart. I couldn't help but copy it and paste this poem here. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since I last held my little boy (many don't know that Brent and I had the chance to go to the funeral home before Carter's funeral and see him in his little outfit given to us by the hospital as well as take pictures and hold him one more time. That was such a sweet sweet time for both Brent and I. It was hard to leave knowing that I would never see him on earth again, but such a blessing to see him dressed in a little outfit and to be able to talk to him by myself outside of the hospital). I miss him so much. Each day I look more forward to heaven. I have been taking a class on Thursday mornings at our Ladies Bible Study at church called Heaven. I learn more about Carter's new home each week. Each week I walk away and desire heaven more and more. Not only to see Carter, but to just live in a place where there is perfect peace and to have the chance to do nothing but worship. What a day that will be.

Here is the cry of my heart right now. Thanks for continued prayer and for continuing to read my ramblings.

Missing you....

Dear Lord, one precious baby there with You belongs to me- A perfect, tiny wonder whom I long so much to see. So recently within my life my baby took a part; And yet, my baby holds so large a place within my heart. Today that place is empty- just a memory there Of sweet anticipation of a life I'd hoped to share. 'Twas You Who took my baby home to be with You above; Please may my empty, broken heart find comfort in Your love. Remind me, in my loss, the child I love feels only gain- For You saw fit to spare my child from sorrow, fear, and pain. No tragedy will ever fall upon this little life, No lonely moments, no distress from unkind words or strife. Nor shall my baby ever feel the struggle from within, For in my baby's heart today there's not a trace of sin. Oh, loving Lord, Who chose to spare my child from all of this, When heavy is my heart, just let me glimpse my baby's bliss. And may I joy in knowing that my baby is with You-- For living in your presence is what I, too, long to do! So from this day, may this my new anticipation be: One day I'll see my baby who went home ahead of me! -author unknown

Your mommy misses you Christopher Carter Spears and I look forward to a day when I will be able to be in the same place as you again. I hope to hold you again one day (if the Lord allows) but am comforted to know, if I can't have you in my arms, your safe in stronger, safer arms than mine! Thank you Jesus for holding my baby boy.