Growing too fast

My sweet girl is growing to fast.  Tonight she sat up for 2 seconds by herself on my bed.  SHE IS ONLY 11 weeks old!!  Crazy girl. She is so much fun to watch laugh and smile and grin. We continue to be amazed at all she is doing. This past week we were at the doctors several times trying to control her reflux. Her doctor said that because she is doing things that 6 month old babies due, her reflux will continue to be bad.  Is this the same girl that wasn't supposed to be here and if she was, she wasn't supposed to be developing on target?  Still amazing to me.  We are headed to a few specialist to try and reduce the edema in her little feet. But besides that, she is a picture of health.  This weekend she is being dedicated at church.  We are so excited to have family her to celebrate with us.  I will post pictures this week of her from Sunday. In the meantime...here are a few we have taken lately.

2 months old already

It feels like the journey for us to have children took so long, almost forever!  Pregnancy seemed to move at a turtles pace daily for me.  Now that we have Avery here in our arms, I can't seem to keep up with the days.  Everything is moving so quickly and some how I have blinked and she is already 2 months old. My heart is breaking at how fast she is growing up.  She has already started to sleep for 8 - 9 hour stretches at night allowing me to get a little more sleep. She has already begun to coo and smiles at us all of the time.  My heart is overflowing with love for this sweet girl. I just pray my mind is saving the sweet memories in my heart so I don't forget anything. I know I will forget some of the things that she will do, but I pray that my heart will never forget the feeling of what an incredible miracle and gift she is to Brent and I!  I love so much and I especially love being her mommy! 

Sweet moments

They look just alike!

 Loves her daddy

Standing on God's Word...literally.

Avery has started to smile a lot and is starting to recognize Brent and I. Here are a couple of other moments that we caught.

Special friends

We had a lot of special friends that sent Avery some really cute stuffed animal gifts.  Here are just a few of them.  I personally love the Clifford dog because it came with a clifford book that we love reading!

Newborn

So having a newborn doesn't allow much time for many others things, unless you do it while they sleep. But, while she sleeps, I am usually cooking, cleaning, working and then it's time for Avery to wake up again. So that is my lame excuse why it's taking so long for pictures. I have several more to download tomorrow (I hope. And will post them asap!) 

Should be

I should be asleep. I fact, I was in bed already and had some thoughts I needed to type on my computer.  But now I find myself exhausted and yet excited to Avery to wake up so I can feed her! (it's been over 4 hours and she will wake up screaming soon and hungry!) But I don't mind.  I miss her when I am in my room and she is in her room.  I never imagined I would love someone as much as I love her!!

Here are a few more pictures from our recent photo shoot.  She did a great job.  (I will try to post them tomorrow.  My computer isn't letter me do it tonight!)

Newborn pictures

We went to have Avery's newborn pictures done the other day.  Here is a quick preview!  She is so amazing and adorable.  (of course I am bias!)

Daddy's Reflection ...

I have been overwhelmed by God’s goodness and grace this past 2 weeks.  I have reflected upon her name Avery Grayce which means “counselor of grace”.  The unique spelling of her middle name purposely to invoke (plus we thought it just looked cool) the question of why …why spelled that way. To share what grace means … “unmerited favor, a gift”, the unconditional love of God toward people.


My prayer is simple: as people hear her story … they understand His story. They catch a clearer glimpse of His Glory, not stopping short of just seeing the miracle and the end result … but seeing Him ultimately.


What I have come to understand more of …

• The reality that each of us desperately need Jesus and His grace.

• The reality that He is in control at ALL times.

• The reality that regardless of what challenges, difficulties, obstacles we face … He is trustworthy …regardless of the outcome as we would hope for, He is still good and can be trusted.

• The reality He answers prayers in His timing and in His perfect way.

• The reality that despite a circumstance looking impossible to man, He chooses to make happen, just because He can and all things are possible with Him.



No doubt, I have witnessed a miracle first hand and am captured by, but most importantly I have witnessed Him in a deeper sense.



Just taking it all in …

Pictures

I thought I would do a quick post of just updated pictures! Avery is doing great.  She is really an awesome baby.  She sleeps and eats on a schedule. She wakes us up twice to eat during the night. So although we are without sleep, it's not as bad as we had expected.  Her daddy is so in love with her! He fights me to do everything. I will MISS HIM SOOOO MUCH when he returns to work on Monday.  That's when Mommyhood will really sink in for me.

 This was my labor team.  Sally, Brent and Julie!  I won't have a baby without these two ladies ever!  They are both mom's to 5 children and were such amazing coaches.

 Leaving the NICU

 Love Mrs. Cheryl

 

First time meeting nana and grandpa

 



AVERY GRAYCE SPEARS - 100% MIRACLE

Avery Grayce is finally here. After 18 hours of labor, she arrived July 25, 2011 at 7:08 pm.  She weighed 6lbs 14 oz and was 19 inches long.  She was taken right away to the NICU because she has some extra skin on the back of her neck as well as fluid filled feet. Both of these indicated that the Turners Syndrome diagnosis was correct.  She spent 4 nights in the NICU so that they could do genetic testing, heart testing, hearing testing, as well as observation.  We were surprised that on Thursday night the preliminary results had already come back with the results of her genetic testing. The doctor took Brent and I into the "parent room" to discuss the results.  He quickly said (in a South African accent that we just loved) "These test say that your baby is perfect!"  NO TURNERS SYNDROME!!!  That means that God 100% healed her.  We didn't believe the doctor and he had to make a copy of the results for us to see and to keep for ourselves.  He said that the extra skin on her neck and the fluid in her feet were just there because of her condition during pregnancy.  She will grow into her skin and the fluid in her feet will go down.  So funny that we ask and pray for God's healing and then when He does it...we doubt and are shocked by it!  He is so good!  Brent and I are so overwhelmed with love and joy and excited.  We are so grateful for all of you who have joined us in prayer during these months and even during the past three years.  We believe that God has such an incredible plan for Avery just as He did for Carter and just as He does for us.  We still would never trade the past three years for anything.  All we can say is...thank you Jesus!  Thank you Jesus! We see your hand and will always trust your heart!


SO...we would like to introduce you to... MISS. AVERY GRAYCE SPEARS!!! OUR MIRACLE!!!!!

 

Small changes

 Special toybox passed down to us by special friends.

 Perfect sign for us!

Lambey her "lovie" given to her by her Daddy

Excited daddy 

 Handmade bedding

Room is just missing Avery Grayce!

So today's doctor's appointment went well, and we are officially on track for this baby to be here!  We are 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced.  But as many of you already know, that could mean nothing!  We are really praying that Avery will show up even before we are induced, but we at least have an end date in sight.  So it's officially 2 weeks from today (14 days) that we will be on our way to bringing home Avery.  Can't believe it's almost here.  Her room is done and just waiting for her.  Below are a few pictures we took this weekend.  Keep praying.

Survey

So I have wanted to do this kind of post this whole time, but was too anxious to say anything because we were so unsure if everything would turn out okay.  I was put on bed rest this week because of some slight blood pressure issues.  So now Brent has to clean, cook, work and do everything for us.  He's amazing.  So as I am resting I thought I would be brave and post a survey.  So here goes!

1. How far along? 35 weeks 4 days


2. Total weight gain - 18 lbs (UGH!)
3. Maternity clothes - Oh you mean they still make non maternity clothes?  I feel like I have worn maternity forever!

4. Stretch marks - No major ones

5. Sleep - What is that? 

6. Best moment this week - getting my hair done.

7. Worst moment - Being put on bed rest.  It hurts to lay down as much as it hurts to stand up and walk around. 

8. Movement -  NON STOP!  I thought when I got to this point that she would slow down a little.  No way.  This week she has been crazy.  In fact, we watched her grab her legs and then let them go.  A fun game for her maybe, but for me, major uncomfortable and painful at times.

9. Food Cravings - I have not had anything really consistent in this area.  Depends on the day.  I can eat ice cream, which when I am not pregnant I can't eat it because of lactose issues.  So that could count right?

10. Gender -  Still a GIRL and a good thing since everything is PINK! Avery Grayce
11. Wedding rings on or off - On!  I may have blood pressure issues, but no swelling.

12. Weekly wisdom - I have tried to save all my wisdom for my last two weeks of clients, so the rest of my days are spent sounding less than wise (just ask my hubby!! LOL)

13. Milestones? - Everything is a milestone at this point!  We are three weeks away from really having a baby.  Can't believe it.

Getting close

The closer we get to Avery coming, the more anxious I become to find out what is going on with her. And begging God to have healed her 100%!   I know that no matter what this is a miracle baby.  But...the closer we get the more nervous I get that she will indeed have Turners Syndrome or something else.  I know I will love her and just be so excited to have this perfect beautiful baby, but my heart is torn and full of anxiety of what is to come.  I hate even admitting this, as if this is some kind of admission to a lack of faith.  In fact it brings me to tears to give into this fear or "disappointment."  You just pray and hope that you will have a healthy baby and never imagine that all the things we went through can happen.  Not only was all the trials we walked through to have children not been a dream of mine, but it took me by surprise that I would ever have to walk through anything like this!! I have always seen my life as simple.  I remember different people in my family giving me a hard time as we were growing up that I was the child that never had to struggle or suffer with anything.  Life had always appeared to be easy for me.  Of course we know that, that isn't true.  Because what may have looked easy to some, was a trial to me. But, I often bought into the lie and thought that nothing could ever happen bad to me.  In fact that if I prayed, or wished for it, in someway I would get it.  And normally would get it with ease.  I was reading a book the other while waiting for a client talking about how we all have a little bit of that feeling that we are untouchable.  We would never be affected by disease, death, pain, suffering, sorrow, or just hard times.  It makes you grateful for what we do have.

So forgive my rawness today.  The exhaustion and heat of pregnancy has gotten to me!  I have not been able to 100% find a perfect moment to stop working, mostly because I hate stopping a doing nothing right now.  I fear I may regret the time I should be resting when I have a little girl that doesn't want to sleep at night within a few weeks!  That sounds crazy to say.  Brent and I have continued to be hit with the reality that soon our lives will never be the same.  The idea that we will be parents to a little girl that comes to live with us in our home and that we are responsible for raising is mind blowing! We both feel like parents already since having Carter, but since we didn't get the honor of bringing him home, the idea of getting to have Avery in our house forever... still catches us off some days! 

Next month

WE ARE HAVING A BABY NEXT MONTH!!  I can hardly believe it.  Avery's nursery is almost complete. We just need to wash her clothes and hang some paintings on the wall.  We have to put the car seat in the car and put the bag that is packed in the back seat and we are ready.  We were at a cookout this weekend and someone there was asking all about Avery.  It was funny to me that I was telling her information as if the past few months had not even happened.  I told Brent when I got home that I sometimes forget that Avery could still have challenges to overcome or even could be born with Turners Syndrome.  I just feel like the worry of saving her life is in the past and we are waiting for the normal birth of a normal baby.  Isn't cool how the Lord just makes your heart content and refreshes a newness in our spirits?  I love it.  Right now I don't care and don't even think about bad, I just know that I have this awesome gift that kicks me ALL DAY AND NIGHT LONG and is so ready to come and live with us.  The coolest part... GOD PICKED BRENT AND I TO BE HER MOMMY AND DADDY!!!!! After 3 years of pregnancy (really) we are weeks and days away from the arrival of a perfect gift that we have been asked to mold into a Jesus loving, sweet women after God's own heart.  Today there are no tears, just a smile I can't get off my face.  I can't imagine smelling a baby and rocking a baby and holding and loving and watching a sweet baby.  After we lost Carter, the idea of having a baby in our home seemed so untouchable.  And even until a few weeks ago the idea of really being able to have her here, seemed foreign.  But as each day passes by and we get closer to full term...this DREAM that we have been in is getting more real and exciting. 

We had our baby shower (never imagined that we would get to that) and the amount of gifts and treasures that we have gotten has blown us away!  The help friends and family have offered (especially with hand - me - downs.... LOVE IT)  has been a treasure for sure.  Even our doctors office is amazing and treats us like we are something special and having an extra special girl! To have a child that is special to mom and dad is one thing, but to have a baby that is Light to others....WOW!

So I look forward to days to come to share pictures and updates as the time gets closer and then when she finally arrives.  Please pray that Avery WILL be born with no complications and will be free of any issues after birth.  Pray for Brent and I as we make finally steps to prepare.  Ultimately pray that as we have waited so long to be parents and that we will treasure each moment with Avery Grayce and WILL raise her in way that is pleasing to the Lord.  As much as it is tempting to spoil her that we will choose instead to give her a life that allows her to be a servant and testimony to the goodness of God's grace and perfect will for her life.  Pray that we don't get in the way of whatever God wants to do to allow us and Avery to minister to others. 

To be continued..... CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Nothing new yet

It seems like forever since I have had a doctors appointment, but unlike in the past when I feared I had something to worry about, that is not the case now.  Avery has been waking me up at night as she does her flips and kicks and hits.  I love it, but at the same time...miss my sleep.  My friends keep saying, welcome to my new life of being kept up late with a newborn.  I just thought I wouldn't have to worry about that until she arrived.  Nonetheless, it's amazing to feel her as much as I do.  We go to the specialist this Friday followed by our regular OB apt. next week.  I am in this place of totally excitement to finally get to meet her and the idea that she is REALLY COMING!  At the same, I often fight the reminder that we are not out of the woods yet.  We still have no idea what challenges we are going to be facing once she arrives.  I continue to pray and ask that my faithful few blog friends continue to pray with me for TOTAL healing of this little girl. I am already amazed and overwhelmed at what He has done so far.  I am so looking forward to holding her and having her in my arms this summer.  I know it will be here faster than I can imagine.  It's just after a 3 year wait filled with lots of loss, the waiting period is becoming harder and harder. 

3D

(This is her mouth open, tongue half way out and her little arms around her face)

This was a picture from our last specialist appointment.  I kept saying this is my miracle girl and the Lord continues to bless with that each appointment.  The specialist said we officially HYDROPS FREE!!!!  Then the cardiologist said that the small hole in her heart that he saw, has closed up so we are now VSD FREE!!!!!!  As far as we can tell she still has the hygroma on the back of her head, but because she is getting bigger, it is harder for us to see her neck.  She is a mover and shaker for sure.  Brent was able to feel her move for the first time last week (which he said "is cool and weird!)  He has not been patient enough to feel her again, not that he its take much because she loves to kick as soon as I lay down as night!  It's so sweet!

Thanks so very much for continued prayers for total healing!  It's been hard for me to not let my heart just expect the total miracle.  At the same time I am still guarded that she may have Turners or some other type of chromosome problem.  No matter what happens, I know for sure how loved Avery Grayce is for sure!  Not just by me, or by our families but by so many people.  One of my favorite moments last week was when two sweet kids that I love climbed into my lap and asked to see Avery.  I told them both (they are 2 and 3) that she is not here yet.  They asked for me to open my mouth so they could see if they could find her!  Wish it was that easy.

Finally an Update ( I know I know)

Man I am not good at keeping up this blog lately.  I am so crazy during the day and when I am not busy, I am trying to rest and stay off my feet!  As always, I will try to get better.

So the latest with Avery is that she continues to constantly improve.  Our last visit to the specialist, I anticipated being told that regardless of what the other doctors see, they some how always see the worst of the situation.  Well this time we were excited to hear that the doctor didn't see any hydrops.  He said he saw something on her belly, but if he hadn't seen our history, he would have looked over it.  So, he told us not to be concerned at all!  What an exciting day that was.  We will be going to the specialist every other week at this point.  Which is the same schedule that we are on with our OB. 

I am finally getting excited about her coming.  It is finally seeming real.  But, there have been so many days that I am just exhausted from lack of sleep at night (because I am uncomfortable).  It's those days that I am not rational.  Today was one of those days.  I woke up around 3 to run to the bathroom. As much as I hate to really wake up to go to the bathroom, but fears always take over and I have to turn the light on to make sure that everything is okay (no bleeding or anything strange).  Last night I was shocked to find a huge spider in Brent's sink.  I yelled for Brent and made him wake up to kill the spider!  After that, sleep didn't come easy.  Emotionally I broke down today and told Brent and I just didn't think I would be able to make it through this if something was to happen to Avery.  I am sure it was the lack of sleep talking, but at the same time, that is the raw emotions of this journey. The fear each day of is she moving enough, is everything that I feel normal, will we really make it to at least 34 weeks or longer.  Each time we are reassured that all is looking better, I just have a hard time trusting that anyone can really give that to me.  That is when my faith meets my heart and I know that I have to trust the Lord's plan! 

So for today, besides being super grumpy, tired and a little overwhelmed from the busy client schedule I have been keeping, I can say all is well with my soul!