And Again

I had just fussed at myself last week for not keeping up with this blog. But in a way I was scared to write. Today my fears were confirmed. At 6 weeks and 6 days we saw the beautiful beating heart of our sweet baby. Today at 9 weeks and 5 days, we were told that once again our baby fell asleep in my womb and woke in the arms of Jesus. We believe the baby passed on Sunday, as that is the first day I stopped having some of the intense pregnancy symptoms. We will never know. We were able to see that this baby had a genetic issue that caused the baby to stop growing. That in a strange way brings comfort to Brent and I as we worry that as we are getting older that there is something wrong with us causing us to not be able to carry a baby to full term. Our doctor confirmed today, as they did the last time, that this just happens. There is nothing that we did and nothing that we can do.

I really really want to be strong and quote some incredible words of scripture. But right now, I am so confused and just really really mad that I am taking comfort in the fact that the Lord loves us and on our behalf family and friends are praying. We have again chosen to wait at home until the baby miscarries. We will again wait until the Lord allows us to get pregnant again. We don't want to give up on our dream and desire to have children. Today.... this is harder than other days.

I looked forward to the day when true answers will come and I can understand more more about why suffering has to occur. I guess until that day comes.... I will just trust and wait.