Lots of Baggage

Don't we all walk around with our "stuff." In counseling I call it baggage. I watch and listen as clients come into my office daily/weekly bringing the same suitcase with them week after week. I say I don't get it, but as I leave my office, I walk out with my own suitcase. I get tired of dealing with all of that. I see the world around me and what is happening and feel the anxiety of it all. I mean our little lives this year have been rocked. It was one year ago this week that we found out we were pregnant with precious Carter. Even that day that we found out, I felt fearful, excited, nervous, anxious and completely out of control! Then I see myself in the mirror today. I hear myself talk and notice that I have changed a lot. I went from carrying around a "suitcase" of fear of anything wrong happening in my little world, to being a mother who has lost two children. I never imagined that God would allow this to occur in my life, but it has happened, and I am able to not only stand, but share a testimony of what God has done in my life since then. I would have loved for Him to have taught me these lessons some other way, but I am believing that there was no other way in this fallen world. My dad lost his job last Thursday after being with his company for 39 years and 10 months! Another event in our lives that is a disappointment and "life rocking!" But more and more I am seeing and believing and knowing with God confidence, that God is in control. He is not surprised by our stuff! He desires for us to live life in victory.

We had Ergun Caner come speak to our church this weekend. He is an ex-Muslim, now the Liberty Seminary President. He made a quote this week that was so profound to hear again (of course something I know, but don't live by often). He said "Men of God (God's children who have given their lives to Christ) are lives are untouchable, until the will of God is complete." Meaning we will not be killed (we may be taken through trials, but not lose our lives) until God's will for our lives is complete. What a comfort that is to remember that.

No matter what is happening, God is still on His throne. Brent and I have been praying and asking the Lord to open doors for us to minister using our testimony of losing Carter as well as this baby. We both feel strongly that God wants us to to help others go through times of loss. Not just loss of children like we have gone through, but job loss, divorce, changes in life and any other situation that may be occurring.

"Consider it pure joy my brother whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3 and then vs 12 says "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who live them." Isn't that good! My trials are not in vain! I don't want to miss out on this crown of life! So as we run this race, asking questions on the way, trying to figure out these lessons we are learning, we will persevere. Isn't He GOOD!! I know my Redeemer lives and that it is He in me that allows me to face my tomorrows!