Post 101 - Bitterness Dancing

I can't believe I missed the fact that we have posted 100 posts! WOW! So here on post 101, I really don't have a ton to say right now. The last few weeks have been a little tough. Lot's going on. I have been taking this great bible study on Thursday's called "When Wallflower's Dance." It's great. It's all about learning how to "dance again". Learning how to be a women of confidence and all that God wants from me as a women. This week, my bible study has been talking about bitterness. I really didn't know how much bitterness I have held onto and deal with until I began to ask the Lord to reveal it to me. I had asked my girls ( through tears) to pray for my heart. I was getting so discouraged that I was letting jealousy fester in my heart each time I heard someone announce they were having a baby, or when friends would talk about what a great pregnancy they were having, or when sweet perfect babies were being born. Each time, I would desire to feel so good about it, but just wanted to scream and yell how unfair life was! After spending the last two nights really learning and studying about bitterness, I saw how I was killing my heart and dying inside over this. It became more clear to me why I was depressed, crying, sad and just not motivated to do all that I needed to do on a day to day basis. Isn't it so good when the Lord shows us what is eating our hearts. I know I mess up. I know that I don't always love the way I should. I want to grow and learn how to love the way Jesus loves. I tease Brent how he always finds the good in the worse of people. He will defend ANYONE no matter how hurt he feels by that person. He is always the one reminding me that when I feel someone is insensitive or being hurtful or selfish, to look from their point of view/shoes. Hurting-wounded people - hurt people, there is a reason to their behavior. I have to admit, that it has been freeing to be able to let go a lot of the bitterness I have stored up in my own heart. I was sure over the past few weeks that I would never be able to feel whole again. I was beginning to feel like I was back on the day Carter died. I was afraid I would forever have a hard time making rational choices. That was one of the hardest things for both of us after we lost Carter. There were days that we could not think rationally. We found ourselves repeating stories to people again and again. We found ourselves forgetting things that were normally second nature to us both. We soon learned, after attending a conference last fall, that we both were operating "In the Grip." It's that time in life when you are so stressed that you are not acting yourself. I feel like we both are getting back to being ourselves again. Finally, I am starting to DANCE!!!! I am ready to get my groove on. Come dance with me! God has good things in store for our lives.