Do you ever feel like sometimes you just need a nice spa day in order to give yourself a little boost? Today is that day for me. Even if I am having to give the nice lady quarters to pay for a little spa action, I think that is one of the things that will give me that boost. I have tried not to get on here and be a downer, but to be honest, there are so many days that I feel down. Brent, being my voice of reason, tells me that it is natural for lots of people our age to start having babies and that I shouldn't be surprised with each announcement. He's right. (he did not say that to be insensitive, just wise!) It is less about being surprised, but more of a small sting to my heart when I hear that God has blessed someone else with a baby. Stupid I know. There are days that I can handle hearing the mundane tasks that my friends are doing with their own children, but there are still days that I want to scream and tell them to stop talking about their children and be more sensitive! I AM SO SO SO SELFISH. I know that. I know this sounds horrible too. Then I start to remember that it's not about me or how I feel, but more about what the Lord has planned in my life and in the lives of others. Isn't that what I tell people all of the time? When I tell others that same advice, I mean it!!!! In fact I shared this very week with a family that when we have these symptoms of depression and pain and we submit to that, we allow Satan to creep into our lives and we begin to doubt the Lord's plan for us. We begin to lose faith. I am not saying depression isn't real or that we should not be allowed to have depression. Depression is real (I am a therapist, I would go out of business if I didn't say that!) I know the right answers, but there are just days that I feel like a good quiet time sitting in a chair getting my toes done, begging the Lord to heal my heart and give me the strength to make it one more day would help a little bit! It may give me the strength to celebrate with others in the goodness of the blessings in their lives. Today, it seems like if someone was pampering me a little, maybe it would be a little easier! Ever feel that way? (If I hadn't worked out so hard all week long, I would add a little bite of chocolate with that too. But, I am NOT going to give into something that I will regret tomorrow!) We are celebrating Brent's bday tonight at his favorite resturant and watching a movie as well. His bday isn't until next week, so I am sure we will get to celebrate again, but I think I may need to do a little extra today to get into that celebration mood! I hate being so selfish! Lord create in me a clean heart!
5 comments:
I can't wait to see those cute toes!
I love you, Bobo.
~B
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I think we are both on the same emotional level. Today is rough. This week has been rough. I pray that your toe pampering and your dinner out and movie time will refresh you! He loves you and He will get you through this!
It's one day at a time, friend. And some will be harder than others, but I hope today was better than yesterday. And that a week from now will be better. :) But, the truth is, that God is doing a work in you, and that things are really just where he wants them. Which sucks because it hurts. I pray that you will continue to submit to his timing and his healing. Love you, friend.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, friend. You are not selfish, you are a normal grieving person. Oh I wish there was some way we could fast forward through everything, but we can't. There is no other way around grief but to go through it. A little "selfishness" is ok b/c you have to take care of you right now. The Lord knows and He understands all the different feelings and emotions we are having as we go through this and He will continue to give us the strength for each day. I am in a mommies group here and two of them recently had babies and another is due any day and believe me it's been difficult. The great thing is, they are so understanding and patient and loving toward me. Any mom who would know what you've just been through would understand why you feel the way you do. Remember this- you won't feel this way forever, so don't be too hard on yourself. Love you, girlie and keep looking up!
I can't believe you got your toes done without me !! J/K! I have and continue to deal with depression and I pray that we can both learn to not succomb to it. Keep up the workouts adn indulge in a little piece of chocolate every once in awhile, the darker the chocolate the better it is for you :)
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