Honesty

So let me get down and honest! Many of you out there reading this already know this about me, that I get a little anxious about situations that I can't control! One thing in my life, so far - I have been able to completely control is my own self!! Brent and I have talked many many times about wanting a baby. But, for the past several years I have again controlled that situation as well! Finally, God has shown me that He is in control, becuase we found out today that we are having a baby. (my fingers are trembling as I type this out!) I have had to say to myself that God created women to have babies and women have babies all of the time! I just never really thought that we would actually have one! In fact I imagined that one day we would just adopt our children, and got to be okay with that. In a way, I am glad to have a place to talk about rational and irrational fears that I am going through. The neat thing is my seminary roommate is also having a baby and is due (from what we can tell) 9 days before I am! Our baby is due December 10, 2008. I know that is supposed to sound far away, but I am convinced that it is tomorrow. (more anxiety) As I blog I am watching Jon and Kate plus 8! 8 kids, I can't even imagine. Especially 6 of the same age. What a great show, expect now, it's a little overwhelming for me. It's also funny to me that recently a friend from church asked me to read a book with her, since she is also pregnant. I shared with her my fears and (she is also my care group leader) and she talked about being a support. How shocked she will be to know that is going to be sooner than later! So all of you out there in blog land, we (I) need major prayer. Prayer for the normal stuff you pray for friends when they are having a baby, but really pray for me right now, because this is not something I can do in my own strength. In fact, I am so beyond myself, and continue to tremble in fear, that I am completly living on God's strength right now. Not to mention, we live a whole lot of miles away from family. So for now, I feel like I am living for December 11th (totally planning on having this baby on the due date just like my mom!) Both my sister and I were born in like 1 hour and 20 minutes start to finish!! PRAY PRAY PRAY!!

Can't deny truth any longer