It's come to this??

There is a little morning show I like to watch sometimes during the week while I get ready for my day. I am usually a Today show girl, but on occasion can be known to watch another little show. Apparently today someone won a big trip on this show and got to come on stage and celebrate with the host. But what BLEW me away, was the question the host asked about this winner. She asked if she had children. The lady said she had one daughter, by the Grace of the Lord. (good answer). THEN the host said... "Are you still married?" REALLY????? Has it come to this? The question we ask people is no longer, are you married, but are you STILL married?? It gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. We just talked about this subject in my ladies bible study group last night. When I was a child, divorce was just getting more "normal." But it wasn't uncommon to have more friends with married friends, than divorced friends. Now, it has come to us asking this question, are you STILL married. The idea that marriages are so disposable these days makes me so sad. As a therapist, of course it is my heart's cry to be a part of the restoration of marriages and not sit back and watch the destruction of such a beautiful picture of Christ loving us. I know divorce happens. I am not saying that I agree with it for any reason, but acknowledge that it occurs. There is ALWAYS restoration for relationships. God is the God of second chances (and even more than that... thank you Lord!) There are so many celebrities that go through marriages like I go through shoes. If you don't like this one, go back and get another one. Why do we not consider getting the help we need? Of course I know the answer to that. Our pastor challenged us to be bolder in our "testimonies" and our faith this Sunday. Lord please please use OUR MARRIAGE to your glory. Protect Brent and myself, as well as the marriages of each person that reads this message today. If there is someone that just is ready to throw it in... find the best Christian therapist you can find in your area and get help. If your in my area, email me and I, we will help you! jenna.spears@northmetro.net

11 months

I can hardly believe it has been 11 months since we welcomed Carter into this world and then quickly watched him leave to go home to the Lord. What a quick year it has been. Tough -absolutely the toughest of my life. My best friend Jen asked me the other day, would I do it all over again. Without even thinking about it, I said OH YEAH!! Would I give birth to the most perfect looking baby I have ever seen. Oh course!! Would I take 22 1/2 weeks of life over none!! ABSOLUTELY!! Would I spend that 1 hour and 21 minutes with my child all over again. YUP!! And and hard as it is to admit, I would never give up everything the Lord has shown me over this past year. I am a different person. Brent and I are different people. We see the world different. We feel different. We talk different. We act different. We love different. We still have not overcome it all. We still don't have a day go by that we feel the loss of our son, our first born child. We still have days that we wish we could start all over again. But, at the end of the day, we can sit back and say.... God you are good, and you are enough!!!

Brent and I were talking last night how to celebrate Carter's first birthday. Those are some of the moments that I want to scream out loud... WITH CARTER OF COURSE!!! We talked about some special ways for us to spend together and celebrate his birth. As time goes on, I will post pictures and events of that day of course.

I have to honest and say this past year has not gone as I would have planned it out. Of course I wanted to have Carter first and foremost. But after we lost him, I was sure I would be celebrating his birthday holding another child. Or at least carrying another child. The loss of one child is tough, but to lose a second soon after the first, is so frustrating. But I am seeing more and more that no matter what I do, or how I plan, or how I manipulate (that is big for me to admit)... the Lord is in control and I can do nothing to take over control. I continue to pray for my desires and seek Him more and more each day. (Psalms 37:4). I feel so strongly that one day we will have more children. Until that day... and on that day... and after that day.... I must trust the Lord for He is good!!