While I am waiting...

I HATE WAITING!!! But, that is one of the new lessons that God is teaching me in my life. Actually, it's not a new lesson, it's just one of the things that I just can't seem to get a hold of in my life. I want things like yesterday. I have always been like this. But I know God has so much more for me. So much comes when we wait for things in life. I learn so much during that waiting time. We of course are in a waiting period again now as we wait to be able to try to have another baby. It's during this time that I become restless. God what should I do now? Some days I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I don't fit in with the younger friends without kids, because we are almost 10 years younger than they are and in a different place in life. Since we do not have kids (here on earth) it's hard to fit in with those our age who are doing things with their kids. Let me make this clear, this has nothing to do with others, it has to do with my own perception of life. I have some awseome friends who are with kids and without! I love spending time with them all. This is more about me and where I am some days. There are days I love spending time hearing others kids laugh and play. There are some days when I will be talking to a friend and the sound of their children's voices hurt my heart so much I want to snap. So what do I do as I wait??

I remember back last fall for my birthday, Brent took me to see the movie Fireproof. What an amazing movie that was. I loved it. There was this song about waiting that I loved. After I left the movie, the song was out of mind out of sight. But today, the Lord brought it back to me. I was getting my hair done and I heard the song at the hair salon (it is owned by a christian couple.. cool huh!) Anyway, it's by John Waller called "I am Waiting." I posted the song and the lyrics. Isn't it so neat how our God speaks to us at the perfect moment. During my waiting... I will serve!! I will still Love you Lord, Serve you Lord out of obedience!! Just to speak the name Jesus is so sweet and helps calm my nerves and makes the all that I am waiting for worth it!

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Another Part of God's plan

I never imagined this would take place when I first began this blog!! I began my blog at the "suggestion" of my friend Jen. I thought it would be fun to keep up with friends and share some pictures and other fun stuff happening in our little world. Of course I didn't except the Lord would take us on such a journey this past year and that our blog would become a life line for us some days. In the middle of this journey I have been amazed at the outpouring of support and love that we have gotten from so many people. I don't know why I have been amazed because isn't that what God's children do... love on each other with the Love of Jesus? What has blown me away is all of my new precious Blog friends who I have come to adore and love very much!! Isn't that just like the Lord to bring new friends together walking through a similar journey at the same time and living all over the country and yet our lives are woven together the common thread of our love for our Savior. The encouragement of these ladies to me has been amazing. The out pouring of their hearts have been an encouragement to me and many days has been the calming assurance that I need to know I am not alone in this journey and that there are others that "get me."

I believe God has a plan for all of our lives for sure. This is just part of His plan for us today. I don't' want to take granted the special new friends God has given me. Please join me in praying for my friends Kerry, Casey, Nancy, Jody, and Hilary. I know there are many other names of new friends as well, but here are just a few to add as you continue to pray for our family, pray for them too! I get excited to watch and see how small pieces of God's plan unfold before our eyes and bring ladies from different walks of life, different areas of the country and yet we can be so connected because of our relationship with the Lord what He is doing in our life today!

Jesus we are so thankful for friends to dance with

For your continuing guidance and special

Touches in our lives that make

It easier to walk through today!

You are so good - Even in the Storms

We Praise you, and dance to the music

You give us in our daily lives!!

Good, Just Good

I have been meaning to update this since last week, but just couldn't find the right words to share. First, God really blessed us so much by allowing me on Tuesday evening to have a miscarriage at home. Although... I must confess that, giving birth to Carter and miscarrying this baby both HURT about the same amount!! (maybe a small exaggeration but not to far off). I never thought about getting an epidural before, but Tuesday night I was looking for the epidural man to come and give me some help!! (I was not able to find such a person in my house, so motrin, heat and lot's of prayer had to do!!) Although it was a great relief and Brent and I are both glad to be done with that part of this journey, I find myself nervous about getting pregnant again. There is nothing I want more than to be pregnant and have a sweet baby that looks just like my sweet husband and a little like me! But, this emotional pain that we are having to go through as well as just the fear of this happening again and again and again.... makes me question this whole process. Then I am reminded of how Good the Lord really is and that if we are supposed to have a sweet baby God will provide that. I have been reading and memorizing the verse from Psalms 37:4. If we delight in the Lord, He WILL give us the desires of our heart. This is our hearts desire and we feel called to have children. We are not ready to give up yet (although I am feeling like an elephant. Did you know they are pregnant for 23 months before they have their babies!!!) Although total I have only been pregnant for 8 months (almost 6 months the first time and 10 weeks this time) it still sort of feels like a year. In 2008 we found out that we were pregnant the first week of April. As we end this pregnancy in the first week of March our doctor says that we could be pregnant as soon as 4 to 6 weeks from now!! So we will be right back to the same dates that we were pregnant last year.

I say all of this to say: When I look and think about this situation with my human ears and my fleshly understanding of life, I think... This isn't fair. There are so many teenage girls who get pregnant that are not married, do drugs and could care less about having a child. Or how many times have I had to counsel a women who have had an abortion (I meet a lady once who had 5 abortions by the time she was a freshman in college!! Can you imagine.) BUT... I am reminded again about what fairness is in the eyes of the Lord. It isn't fair that God allows me to serve Him. It isn't fair that God would allow me to enter into His holy presence and live with Him for eternity! That is not fair. All of the challenges in life that we are experiencing, really are just more chance for us to praise the Lord in all times!

It brings me back to the blog that I talked about last month. When we enter into the storms in our lives, that is when we need to ask the Lord to teach us how to Dance in the Rain. I thought I knew how to dance. In fact I felt sure that I was dancing! But here I am, grabbing my dancing shoes again and getting my groove on ... again as I wait my turn. I am waiting for God to call me my name when it is SHOW TIME. It is amazing that God is always on time. Even when we don't realize what a bible study is all about, or a quote that someone shares with us or even a sermon that we may walk away from thinking how does that apply to me? It is usually a few days later that we look back and say, I got it! This is what that was for. The Angela Thomas Bible Study I took was just that for me. I thought my time of waiting was over (since I knew I was pregnant during that study), but here I am waiting again. I am determined this time to dance during this storm instead of jumping into the hole of darkness that seemed to surround me last fall. My turn WILL COME!! I AM SURE OF THAT!!! So I say it again.... LET'S DANCE!!

Our joy through Tears - Brought more tears

I was so excited to tell my blog friends that WE ARE PREGNANT!!! (I have been wanting to blog this for 5 weeks now!)

BUT... we found out today at our first dr appointment that our baby stopped growing at 6 weeks (we are 8 weeks now). At our ultrasound today, our doctor shared that there was no longer a heart beat and our baby had passed. I had never gotten a real peace about this baby. I begged the Lord to allow everything to be okay. I really wanted to believe that it would be okay, but as soon as the Ultrasound begun today, I knew something was wrong. They believe Baby Spears passed last week. As of right now, I still have no signs of miscarrying. With the help of our doctor, we have chosen to allow a natural miscarriage to occur. Although, if we do not miscarry in 2 1/2 weeks, I will have a D&C. (I really don't want that) I wanted to show you the message that I had prepared and the story behind this sweet baby, even though this is not what we expected to be sharing today.

On August 17, 2008 I posted a blog called Joy through Tears. Our pastor told us at Carter's funeral to look for a joy for the tears we have shed since we lost our little boy Carter. Brent and I thought it was such a sweet gift that Carter lived for 1 hr and 21 minutes because Brent was born on 1-21! Well, again that day has become significant in our family again. On Brent's bday (1-21) this year... we found out that we are PREGNANT!!!! We are due October 3rd.


Now we need you to keep praying for us!

* Pray first and foremost for a quick and safe miscarriage.

* Pray for our anxiety (especially Jenna) I am having to battle fear of so much right now as well as a lot of hurt.

* Our doctor has said that we have a lot to be thankful for. There is nothing indicating that I can not have another baby and we can try again as soon as 6 weeks from now.

* Pray for us as we continue to grieve the loss of Carter and now the loss of our second baby

* Pray as we continue to seek out peace. Once again, we cannot trace God's hand, but we trust His heart.

* Pray that this is the last deposit that we make in heaven as far as the Spears children.

Brent and I both so desperately desire to be Godly parents. We want so much to have children of our own. In fact we both feel called to be parents. Right now, we are hurt, confused, mad and sad that we are having to walk this journey again. This is so different than the loss we experienced with Carter. But at the same time the pain is so similar and disappointment is so familiar to us. Some times it is so hard to really walk out the faith we have in Lord. At the same time, I know that He loves us so much and wants to bless us. We will, no matter what trust Him, even when it hurts!!

Stinkin Computer

I have held out long enough, but my stinkin computer could not keep up!! A little computer history for me is that I got my first laptop while I was in seminary. I was great at the time. I was blessed enough to get the extra warranty in case anything happened. Well it happened three times. Best Buy says after three visits to the service department, you got yourself a lemon. When you get a lemon, Best Buy makes a little lemonade and will give you a new computer. So I walked out with a new computer three years ago. Since then, my new computer drinks its own battery, it often shuts itself off, (when i am in the middle of something important) and finally the latest the powercord finally quit. My good friends husband fixed the cord for me once, but the stinkin computer won again. So, now I am stuck using my hubbies computer until the cord comes in. My new battery has already arrived (half charged), but of course the computer cord will not be here until Monday!! Goodness! So maybe by Monday I will be online with my own stuff again!

We are about to embark on once again a busy time in our lives. Baseball is starting tomorrow. Basketball is not finished yet (of course these are the two teams that Brent is coaching). This weekend we are so excited to have two different families to join us for dinner on Saturday and lunch on Sunday. It's just neat to be able to get together with good friends. Then we will begin another BIG week with lots and lots going on! I look forward to sharing more with my blog friends on our events of next week! God is doing so much with Brent and I both in so many areas of our lives! (if I only had my own stinkin computer working right!)

Valentine Day

My husband sent me this message today. It was taken from today's Our Daily Bread. I thought it was so appropriate! Happy Valentine Day!

Like many people, I enjoy the Google homepage artwork that appears on special days and holidays. Last Valentine’s Day, the artistic logo showed an older couple—a man with a cane and a white-haired woman—walking hand in hand as the woman held two heart-shaped balloons. It was a beautiful reminder that while our culture glorifies youthful romance, true love has many stages during our journey through life.

Paul’s great essay in 1 Corinthians 13 celebrates the depth and tenacity of the love that carries us beyond self-interest and mere affection. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (vv.4-8).

Brian Wren has captured this reality in his moving hymn, “When Love Is Found”:

When love is tried as loved ones change,
Hold still to hope though all seems strange,
Till ease returns, and love grows wise
Through listening ears and opened eyes.
© Hope Publishing Co.

When our commitments are tested in the fires of life, no matter what difficulties we face, may God grant us a greater experience of His enduring love and the grace to demonstrate it each day. — David C. McCasland

God’s love is a fabric that never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the waters of adversity.

What would you do?

Brent and I had this "discussion" last night about a situation that happened to me yesterday. So, in order to help us out, we would like all of you (blog stalkers and blog followers alike) to give us a hand by responding to tell us what you would do!

I went to the Verizon Store to have a new phone activated. The nice lady (yet slightly intimidating) was helping me remove the back off of the phone. She had to go into the back room in order to get additional assistance. When she returned (15 minutes later...) she returned to her seat behind the counter. I couldn't help to notice the change that had occurred while she was gone. When she returned her black dress pants now had a very LARGE tear in the frontal area!!! I can share with you that she was wearing orange undergarments, if you get my drift! I didn't know what to do. I thought about the options: of writing her a note, telling her outright, praying that a co-worker would have more guts than I did or ignorning the situation. What made it more challenging, was there were several men standing behind her that appeared to be from "corporate" and watching her, etc. I said nothing to her.

Brent believes that it was my human duty to tell her about her dilemma!!Brent said that he was in that position while working at a bank during seminary. A customer had his "fly open" and Brent took the writing a note approach and received a very welcoming response from the gentleman...something about "man code".

For the record, this situation happened to me TWICE, where I was the victim. I had a skirt that torn down the back once in a resturant, where no one told me what happened. I returned the skirt, since it was brand new, and less than a year after the first event, it happened again after leaving Sunday School one Sunday. Again, no one shared with me what had happened. I would have liked to think that maybe no one noticed!!! (My husband did tell me both times once we got in the car to go home.)

SO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO??? Leave us your comments.

Dancing in the Rain

Really, am I still learning the same lessons again again and again?? I found myself this weekend full of anxiety and the struggle to breathe another breath again. I get so overwhelmed some days full of grief, worry, stress and hurts, that I can hardly breathe. (not great for a therapist to go through this is it?) So, Brent and I thought we would take the "day off." It was wonderful. We went on a LONG drive to North GA, we of course took Wrigs with us, and just spent time looking at the trees, feeling the cool air (it was in the 60's this weekend) and looking at the awesome mountain view. After such a relaxing day, I had big hopes of sleeping without any problems on Saturday night. But as I crawled into bed, the overwhelming stress feeling was coming back strong. So I did the only thing left (which should had been the first thing I tried) I wrote scripture after scripture in my journey about worry and anxiety. IT WORKED!! That is as long as I was asleep. When I woke up Sunday, the anxious nervous depression was back again. I went to church and as our pastor was preaching I was looking back in my journal (the one I keep of our sermons at church) to see what God has taught me this year. (not that his sermon wasn't awsome, but I knew that I needed to look back in order to move forward. There is was! The statement that helped me move forward just a few months ago. Dr. Cox had preached that Sunday about the storms of life (boy can we relate). He made this great quote saying, "When God allows Storms in our life, Ask him to teach you to dance in the rain." It's funny to me that the bible Study I am doing is all about dancing and now here the quote that helped me again was about dancing. I don't think that my anxiousness will just pass without me knowing it, but I think if I can change my focus, that will help me see the difference. In fact as life changes, when/if we have another baby, when have to move to a new house (one day we hope), or when we buy another car or just when life happens, the anxious spirit will return. But I feel like if I can get down these dancing steps, I will begin to really move towards that point of lessons learned from the Lord. That is my heart desire. I want to grow into a women of righteous confidence. I was to mature in the Lord and look like some of the ladies that I watch from a far that even when they go through the storms, I watch them dance in God's goodness through it all!! So friends... here I go off to my dancing lessons!!!

The Many Faces of A Football Fan

I love watching football with my husband. NOT because I love watching football, just laughing at my husband and all of his excitement. This was a crazy football watching year for him. He is a graduate of Texas Tech (GO RED RAIDERS). They went further this year than any year that I can remember, or at least since we have been married, (told you I didn't know football). There were many close games this year that caused my husband to yell at the TV, jump up and down yelling at the TV as if they could hear him, running up and down our stairs after a miraculous play or when Michael Crabtree caught the ball with 2 or 3 seconds left on the clock and made a touchdown to win the game against Texas! I was upstairs on our bed watching TV during that game, when I heard Brent scream and run as fast as he could up our stairs. He missed most of the stairs!!! It was so funny and almost gave me a heart attack. I wish I had the video camera out on that night. Brent has some favorite football teams that he is faithful to cheer for. He loves the Saints and of course Texas Tech. But normally, he is the guy that goes for the underdogs. So of course, last night he was a Cardinal fan. Which caused conflict for sure. My cousin Brian is a big Steelers fan! Last year, as you remeber, the Giants played the Patriots. Brent hates the Patriots. My yankee family are ALL very BIG Patriot fans. When the Giants won, Brent raced around our first floor running as fast as he could. He reminded me of Wrigley when she gets too much energy and races around and around in circles! It was so funny. He made me laugh during the whole game. I thought that I would share with you all what I get to see in my house each week during the fall and winter! Only 6 more months until it starts all over again!

Acting Calm during the Halftime

The Cards coming close to making a great play!

The Cards Tackle Ben Roethlisberger

Cards TOUCHDOWN!!! GO FITZGERALD (Brent has just run down the stairs here!)

Brent talking to his friend Dave trying to explain to each other what needs to happen for the Cards to win

Accepting Defeat!

Wrigley was very into the game!

Sweet Boy

Brent and I had a Spears family day on Saturday. Since it was the first day of the month, we spent the day shopping, shopping and more shopping. Brent takes me to lunch and helps me do my big Costco run and Walmart shopping trip one Saturday each month! It's great. He brings in the food and I put it away. WIN - WIN!! We then ran over to Home Depot to make some exchanges and get the supplies to nail down, yet another project on our to do list!! YEAH US! We also ran over to see Carter. This was the first time Brent was able to see Carter's marker. We brought Wrigley with us and just enjoyed some special time as a family. The day wasn't sad. Our visit wasn't even sad. We are both still so grieved over Carter's death, but the placement of the marker was yet another reminder of God's great plan in our lives. We pray even through a simple marker, that God will our little sweet boy's life to minister to other families that visit their loved ones at the same cemetery Carter is buried. Brent and I spent a few minutes walking down to see the bench and grave site for a special friend of ours from the first church we attended when we first moved to GA. As we walked around, we were reminded of how many other people have buried their children, fathers, mothers, wives, husbands... in this same cemetery with no hope. I am always amazed at the little toys and special reminders that people leave on their loved ones earthly resting place that seemed important to them. Things like toy cars, pictures of accomplishments they completed while on earth, alcoholic drinks, packs of cigarettes. It blows me away and makes me so sad. It's that moment that makes me want to stop and bow before the Lord and just throw my hands up in praise. God thank you for hope. Thank you for the legacy of my baby that lived just an hour and 21 minutes, but yet changed my life in that time. He reminded me of your goodness, the importance of prayer, and makes me desire to be more like you each day. I look forward to the day I can be in glory and see my sweet boy again! I pray that even in the middle of a place of sadness like the cemetery, God will use us to share His love to others who need to hear hope!! Thank you Lord for yet another reason to Praise you in the Storms!

One Blue Flower for our Sweet Boy

Closure

I know this sounds strange, but I am so excited that we finally got our marker in and put into the ground. It has been so tough going to visit Carter only to see a patch of grass. I have already been by to see the marker and Brent and I plan to go tomorrow. I will take pictures post them. I feel like finally this nightmare is coming closer to an end. Although, we still have a TON of issues left with medical bills and hospital issues, it will be nice to feel like we have some peace and more to look forward too. We know that the Lord has big things in store for us again. I can finally say, that I do feel like "dancing again." Look the next couple of days for more pictures on Carter.

Post 101 - Bitterness Dancing

I can't believe I missed the fact that we have posted 100 posts! WOW! So here on post 101, I really don't have a ton to say right now. The last few weeks have been a little tough. Lot's going on. I have been taking this great bible study on Thursday's called "When Wallflower's Dance." It's great. It's all about learning how to "dance again". Learning how to be a women of confidence and all that God wants from me as a women. This week, my bible study has been talking about bitterness. I really didn't know how much bitterness I have held onto and deal with until I began to ask the Lord to reveal it to me. I had asked my girls ( through tears) to pray for my heart. I was getting so discouraged that I was letting jealousy fester in my heart each time I heard someone announce they were having a baby, or when friends would talk about what a great pregnancy they were having, or when sweet perfect babies were being born. Each time, I would desire to feel so good about it, but just wanted to scream and yell how unfair life was! After spending the last two nights really learning and studying about bitterness, I saw how I was killing my heart and dying inside over this. It became more clear to me why I was depressed, crying, sad and just not motivated to do all that I needed to do on a day to day basis. Isn't it so good when the Lord shows us what is eating our hearts. I know I mess up. I know that I don't always love the way I should. I want to grow and learn how to love the way Jesus loves. I tease Brent how he always finds the good in the worse of people. He will defend ANYONE no matter how hurt he feels by that person. He is always the one reminding me that when I feel someone is insensitive or being hurtful or selfish, to look from their point of view/shoes. Hurting-wounded people - hurt people, there is a reason to their behavior. I have to admit, that it has been freeing to be able to let go a lot of the bitterness I have stored up in my own heart. I was sure over the past few weeks that I would never be able to feel whole again. I was beginning to feel like I was back on the day Carter died. I was afraid I would forever have a hard time making rational choices. That was one of the hardest things for both of us after we lost Carter. There were days that we could not think rationally. We found ourselves repeating stories to people again and again. We found ourselves forgetting things that were normally second nature to us both. We soon learned, after attending a conference last fall, that we both were operating "In the Grip." It's that time in life when you are so stressed that you are not acting yourself. I feel like we both are getting back to being ourselves again. Finally, I am starting to DANCE!!!! I am ready to get my groove on. Come dance with me! God has good things in store for our lives.

Compliment (maybe)

Brent and I have been taking a deep water aerobic class at our local indoor pool. Don't be impressed, we just started last week and this is only our 4th class. In four classes we have had four instructors. Each lady teaches differently and you never do the same exercises twice it seems like. Tonight after class, the instructor asked Brent if he was taking the class because of any injury (what she was implying was that he must be a serious athlete and was taking this class since he was injured and can only do this!) I told him (being funny) she must have missed your little gut so she would have realized that you were doing this to get rid of that! I do have to admit that out of most the people in the class, especially of the men, Brent is one of the much smaller guys! I can see how he could be mistaken for a "serious athlete!" Right now, we both are praying that we just live to see tomorrow after these tough workouts!!!

Happy Happy Birthday!

Today was Brent's bday. It was a great day. Long day, but good. Both Brent and I have always had birthday traditions that we have created for ourselves on our special days. I always love to go out to eat and see a movie. Some times we don't actually get to have that happen on my actually day, but it is always close. This year Brent and I went to PF Changs for dinner and to a movie last week knowing we had church tonight and would not have the time to go out. So tonight, as traditional we do, I made Brent's favorite meal, Pepper Steak. Not just any pepper steak, his mom's pepper steak. This meal has taken me 7 years at least to work on. When we got married, I was pretty confident in my own cooking. I felt like I was pretty good. Brent felt that he was a pretty great cook too. Of course he was very proficient at making Hamburger Helper! YUCK. I was great at creating new fun meals, but being my northern self, I didn't have a clue about spices. Brent grew up with a mom and dad that were both fantastic cooks and understand the need to spice things up and how to add good flavor. So I had a ton to live up too! (I am still not sure that I even come close to them). When we were dating, I called Lynn, Brent's mom to ask for this pepper steak recipe. To be honest, I had never heard of pepper steak. We didn't have much chinese food growing up either. It is now his bday dinner of choice. I am sure I still have a long way to go on making this meal just like "mom." But, I am guessing, I will never get it as good as she does, and that is okay! There are some things that are just meant to be made perfect by a mom! Thanks Lynn for sharing this dish, and hopefully I did it some justice.

Happy 35th Birthday Brent! Glad it was a special day. I am looking forward to another wonderful year with you.

Inauguration 2009

I could not let this day go by without stopping and taking note of what occur ed today. Even though Brent and I did not vote for the current president, that does not mean that we will not support him for the role he has been appointed today as of today. Most of all, we will continue to lift him up in prayer. I pray that decisions will not be made for our country based on feelings, emotions, or political party choices, but instead on the moral convictions the Lord places in our lives and requires us to answer to one day when we face Him in eternity. I pray for the first family, those two special girls who will grow up in the spot light of America. I pray that the Lord will send to them special ladies who will take them under their wings and instill in those little girls the security and mentorship that they will need to grow up in the way the Lord has for their lives.

Today was for sure historic, as it is ever 4 years for sure. Now we begin to pray for yet another man who we pray will take on the such a big job with the integrity that is required! (more comments to come soon!)

The Most imporant Entry Ever

As a child, I loved playing piano. In fact, I was the kid that didn't have to be reminded to practice, I had to be asked to stop practicing. I loved it. Yesterday our pastor asked us to practice something more important than paino. He asked us to pratice our faith. The Lord immediatly brought to mind this blog. I know that many of you have read my blog faithfully and get the idea that Brent and I love the Lord with all of our hearts. Through the good days and bad days, I hope after each time you read the updates that we post, the message is always clear that our constant is our love for the Lord {more importantly really - His love for us and everyone}. The Bible tells us, that He is faithful, even when people are not. But, then I started to think, there maybe one person out there that reads this blog and has no idea what we are talking about or that they never have asked Jesus to be their Savior. So, before we go one more day, let me take a second of your time and ask you to keep reading the most important blog entry I have ever done and as I introduce to you our best friend and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Jesus isn't just a historical figure that came and changed history {though He did do that for sure}. He was fully a man/human being and fully God at the same time, that came to this earth in order for you and I to be able to have eternal life. You see, God is such a Holy and pure God that we as sinful {sinful: offending God, not living up to His perfect standards, turning our backs on His love and plan} humans are unable to come to Him because He is not able to be have anything unholy in his presence. We are all unholy. That causes us a problem. A really BIG - eternal problem when you stop and think about this.

Before Christ came and died, the Israelites would have to give (an animal) sacrifices and a variety of offerings to keep in right relationship with God and others. The sacrifices also preserved the the holiness of God's presence in their lives - a symbolic cleansing. There had to be shedding of blood {the lifeline for all living creatures ... including people} for sins to be covered. Can you imagine having to do that today? Each time we lie, or think a bad thought, are jealous, envious, yell at your kids or at your husband. We are so busy, I don't know when we would have time to sacrifice animals, too. The offerings/sacrifices of the Old Testament were not intended to remove or forgive sin, rather it was a preparation - pointing to the reality of the coming Messiah. The Old Testament and New Testament teach that animal sacrifices were not intended to save people from their sins or get them to heaven. Rather, salvation has always been a matter of faith ... faith in Jesus Christ - the Messiah, His sacrifice for all people. For God so loved the world, He sent His son Jesus as a baby. After 33 years, Christ died on a cross {though He was perfect in every way, never sinning} for your sins and mine. He came and lived a perfect life and died the death of a harden criminal for sins that he didn't commit. But that one act of sacrifice made it possible for us to live eternally in heaven with our God. That is really GOOD NEWS {that is what Gospel means} when you think about it, amist a lot of bad news we hear on the news day by day. The reality is, we live in that relationship today ... here on earth, not having to just wait for heaven.

So what do you need to do about this? The same thing Brent and I did years ago. We realized that we were sinners. We knew that we both were headed to hell because we were not perfect and fell short of God's glory. Only those who have no sin could enter heaven, unless you have asked Jesus to clean you of your sin. That was the best day in our both of our lives. Do we deserve this? No. In fact, it's funny when I hear people talk about life isn't fair. They are right, it isn't fair. It isn't fair that people spend eternity in hell. WRONG. The unfairness is that people spend life eternally in heaven. We all deserve hell because we are full of sin. The Bible {in Romans 3:23} says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. The only way to resolve this sin problem is to ask Jesus to live in your heart. The Bible also shares that Jesus is the only way to God, the only one who can provide forgiveness, true peace, true purpose in life for here and now, the one who created us and loves us, and knows us the best. The one who wants to be in a personal - intitmate relationship with us all. You can begin this relationship right now by....

A - Admitting to God, you are a sinner and have sinned {it only takes 1 sin to be a sinner ... all of us have done this for sure} and need His forgiveness.

B - Believe God, that He sent His son, Jesus Christ to be the final sacrifice for all sins. That what Jesus did on that cross was for you personally. He died for your sins and God rose Him from the dead 3 days later. Ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins and ask Him to be your personal Lord and Savior.

C - Confess with your mouth, that Jesus is Lord and Savior what you believe in your heart and what He has done for you, personally. Tell somebody.

We love each of you and hope that you will take this step of faith today. If you have questions about this post, we would love to hear from you! Make 2009 the year that you secure your future in eternity!

Cute Toes

Do you ever feel like sometimes you just need a nice spa day in order to give yourself a little boost? Today is that day for me. Even if I am having to give the nice lady quarters to pay for a little spa action, I think that is one of the things that will give me that boost. I have tried not to get on here and be a downer, but to be honest, there are so many days that I feel down. Brent, being my voice of reason, tells me that it is natural for lots of people our age to start having babies and that I shouldn't be surprised with each announcement. He's right. (he did not say that to be insensitive, just wise!) It is less about being surprised, but more of a small sting to my heart when I hear that God has blessed someone else with a baby. Stupid I know. There are days that I can handle hearing the mundane tasks that my friends are doing with their own children, but there are still days that I want to scream and tell them to stop talking about their children and be more sensitive! I AM SO SO SO SELFISH. I know that. I know this sounds horrible too. Then I start to remember that it's not about me or how I feel, but more about what the Lord has planned in my life and in the lives of others. Isn't that what I tell people all of the time? When I tell others that same advice, I mean it!!!! In fact I shared this very week with a family that when we have these symptoms of depression and pain and we submit to that, we allow Satan to creep into our lives and we begin to doubt the Lord's plan for us. We begin to lose faith. I am not saying depression isn't real or that we should not be allowed to have depression. Depression is real (I am a therapist, I would go out of business if I didn't say that!) I know the right answers, but there are just days that I feel like a good quiet time sitting in a chair getting my toes done, begging the Lord to heal my heart and give me the strength to make it one more day would help a little bit! It may give me the strength to celebrate with others in the goodness of the blessings in their lives. Today, it seems like if someone was pampering me a little, maybe it would be a little easier! Ever feel that way? (If I hadn't worked out so hard all week long, I would add a little bite of chocolate with that too. But, I am NOT going to give into something that I will regret tomorrow!) We are celebrating Brent's bday tonight at his favorite resturant and watching a movie as well. His bday isn't until next week, so I am sure we will get to celebrate again, but I think I may need to do a little extra today to get into that celebration mood! I hate being so selfish! Lord create in me a clean heart!

NO ITCHING HERE

I can't believe it has been 7 years since Brent and I said "I do." I have considered us newly married for so long and now finally realize that we are not the newly married couple any more. They said that 7 years means the 7 year itch! I see no itching here for sure. I think if we can make it through all that we have been through in the 7 years and still love each other more than we did on our wedding day, we will stay scratch free! For the fun of it, I thought I would attach a copy of our story that Brent wrote in our program. I can say this for sure, if I had to marry you all over again baby, I would do it again and again and again! So glad I have you to "Do life with!"

Today is also my sister's birthday and our puppy Wrigley's 4th bday! Lot's to celebrate for sure.

Happy Anniversary Baby! I love you!

Our Story

Hollywood often depicts love stories as an easy formula in which people operate in unrealistic “love at first sight” problem free worlds. We know reality is different. Every real life love story is unique and special while being made up of several key components. The most important key in our relationship has been the love of God found only in Jesus Christ. This is our story………….

While stepping out in faith and attempting to follow the Lord’s leading in their lives, two people left almost opposite ends of the country to arrive in New Orleans. The young man came from west Texas while the lovely young lady traveled down from Maryland. The two bright-eyed, optimistic, eager students entered orientation at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary full of questions and hope. Each were consumed in individual thoughts and concerns, wondering what this new chapter life would entail. While sitting in an orientation session, the two met. Appearing to be an ordinary introduction – all of Heaven applauded. You see God has a plan for their lives and knew exactly when the two would meet.

Shortly after the orientation, the new school semester began. The two found themselves in all of the same classes together. Through mutual friends and ordained circumstances, the two began interacting outside of the classroom as well. Instantly, the two hit it off and the connection was made! Well, not exactly. However, after a misunderstanding that led to a deep all night conversation – the relationship took on a new level of respect.

After weeks and months of spending time together in and out of class, the friendship grew stronger in mutual love and respect. Through a variety of trials and tribulations as well as joys and triumphs, they found their friendship to truly be a gift from God. In the early spring of the next semester, each began to analyze their friendship at a close look. Both agreed to remain friends only in order to preserve the uniqueness of the relationship. However, as the summer rolled in things began to change.

While in Brazil, she began to realize her love for and desire to commit to him. She also began to pray and ask God to give her confirmation and peace in this direction. He remained in New Orleans eagerly awaiting her arrival back to the States. Upon her arrival, he began to realize how much he missed her and wanted to be with her all of the time.

In the beginning of the fall semester, they could no longer deny their desire to pursue their relationship on a deeper level. As he began to tell her how he felt, he decided to wait. He feared the exploration might jeopardize the friendship. So they waited, sometimes patiently, sometimes not so patiently. Finally, as the semester drew to an end, after prayers and much confirmation, he initiated the conversation. The couple shared their love for one another.

The relationship continued to blossom over the next year and on a horse drawn carriage, the couple got engaged. Now we have arrived at this moment. This is the day where we make our love and commitment to each other public and permanent. We thank God for how He has loved us and allowed us to meet, become best friends, and marry as life partners. Our prayer for you, our treasured friends and family, is that you would personally and truly know how wide and deep and high is the love of Christ Jesus for you. That you would follow in the footsteps of the One who loved you enough to die for you.

And so, today, with thankfulness too great for words, we stand before Him and promise ourselves to Him and to each other… for life. We praise Him for the simple joys of life and complex sufferings as well that draws us to Himself and a future spent together.


Brent and Jenna

Welcome 2009

Wow, I can't believe it is already 2009. What a year it has been. Looking back at all 2008 held for us is sort of overwhelming. One year ago, Brent and I were up to our elbows painting our little house (that is an understatement) and coaching basketball. This year New Years was a little more low key than that. Today we spent the day resting and relaxing instead of working on house projects. It's nice sometimes to just stop and be. Of course there are the obvious reasons that we are glad to be saying goodbye to 2008. But at the same time so much happened in 2008 that has changed our lives forever. I had big hopes that our grave marker would have already arrived and been placed in Carter's grave so that we could start 2009 as a fresh new start. But again, that was a Jenna plan. I could begin to list tons of goals that I have for myself and our family for this year and hope that many of those appropriate goals will come true. But, once again those goals belong to us. If I have learned anything in 2008, it is that my trust belongs in the Lord alone. I have no control over life or the events that occur in this world. Each day brings new choices, challenges, sorrows, joys and tests. Instead of focusing on what it is that I desire, I hope to make 2009 a year of counting the blessings we have and with each new day seeking the Lord's best for us in all that we say and do. It's one thing to say that we truly trust the Lord at all times. It is another challenge to live it. We choose to make 2009 the year that focus on living out our faith and seeking God's best. We will fail some days, and we will be a success some days. I pray that all that we do in 2009 will bring the Lord glory. WELCOME 2009!! We can't wait to see what it brings!

He did it again

The memorial Christmas tree. Each person who died this year had an ornament on the tree


The sweet lady that was the speaker.

The end of a good week, that without the the saving power of Jesus Christ, would have been terrible. But several times this week, the Lord showed up, went before us and laid out the red carpet for us to walk on. We of course had our service on Tuesday at the funeral home, and ran into some friends from church who were there celebrating the life of their mom. Then of course Wednesday was such a great day for both Brent and I. I was able to eat lunch with very special friends and then I went shopping for the rest of the afternoon! I had a blast. While I was finishing my relaxing evening by taking a bath... (doesn't that just sound relaxing) Brent went to church in order to practice being a shepherd for the Cantata on Sunday. He is going to be the Shepherd that takes baby Jesus (played by our pastors granddaughter) out of the manager and off the stage. He was so overjoyed that he was able to hug and love all over that sweet 8 month old baby! (a little history with Brent and small children. He loves kids as long as they talk and are able to potty on their own!) This was such a blessing. Then he and I went on a Krispy Kreme run like we were back in college. It was such a blast.

To wrap up the week, we went to TWO Christmas parties on Friday (one for lunch and one for dinner). Both were special times with special friends and just a neat way to celebrate this season. Saturday night ended out week of remembrance. We had a candlelight service at the cemetery. Again, both of us were a little nervous about the night. WHY? I don't know, because the Lord provided again. A sweet family who were loved at our last church, lost their dad and husband this summer. As we were standing out in large crowd of people in the cold, I saw a lady out of the corner of my eye and realized it was my friend Ms. Peggy and her family. We didn't even know her husband was in the same cemetery. The place was so pretty with the full moon and all of the luminaries that surrounded the entire place. It really was beautiful. Brent and I both agreed unlike some cemeteries, this one is not spooky in any way. It is just peaceful! Each time we go, there is such a feeling of peace that overcomes you. There's the red carpet coming out again! Thank you Jesus for coming and taking care of every detail in our lives.

This is the entrance of the cemetery

Carter is buried in the section of the cemetery called "Devotion". This is the statue that is in the middle of that garden. (Each garden has a different monument.) This happens to be a bible with opened to the Lord's prayer

Carter's marker is still not in yet, but we still placed the candle on his grave.